Updated 8/8/04!!


1st Church of Pac-Man


O Pac-Man, glutton divine,
Thy roundness is exceeded only by thy yellowness.
Thou takest away the barriers in the maze of life,
Thou makest fruit to appear before me,
Thou turnest my enemies blue.
I humbly offer this quarter unto thee
As a symbol of my sacrifice,
And stuff.

Reverend -=ShoEboX=-

(Artwork above by Pac'n 99, a devoted follower of the eater of all.)

Last updated 8/8/24 A.P.
(Or 8/8/2004 A.D., if you follow THAT calendar...)
Updated News, Cool Pac-Things, and False Idols sections and added new shrine pics
More updates coming soon!!!



In days of doubt...when life is painful and confusing, your quarter supply is diminished, and you just can't possibly eat another bite, simply ask yourself:


(Thanks to Pac-Manic for this blessed and wonderful graphic!)


Welcome, brothers and sisters, to the church of Pac-Man! Join us in the joyous heavenly celebration of all things Pac! He who is round and hungry has a plan for all of us, and that plan involves QUARTERS! And a JOYSTICK! And a PIXELLATED DISPLAY of a MAZE! And all kinds of OTHER STUFF! Can I get an A-Men? No? Well, okay.

Below, you'll find all the Pac-Man stuff I could possibly cram onto one page. You may find it bizarre, you may find it insulting, you may find it frightening. But if you do, you'll also find that I don't give a crap. If you find you like my brand of humor, Click here to check out my other pages! They're all equally strange.

I haven't added a whole lot to this page, really...I intended to thoroughly redo it before bringing it back, but time is not my bitch.  I'll still be adding SOME stuff though, so check back from time to time and see what stupid things I've done.

THE PROPHESIZED UMPTEENTH COMING IS UPON US!!

Pac-Man is a registered trademark of the holy priests of Namco. This page is not in any way affiliated with Namco, but we think they're really keen, and they're fully aware of this page and occasionally send me really neat stuff.



Like my weird sense of humor? Then you must immediately check out my band, Worm Quartet!  Worm Quartet is a comedy synth-punk band which has been featured on the Dr. Demento show and in very few other places!  There's a bunch of free mp3s available for download on the site, including my musical tribute to the glorious yellow one, "Pac-Man Is Naked And So Should You!"



NEWS

FIRST CHURCH OF PAC-MAN FEATURED ON VH-1! Holy crap, this'll screw up my bandwidth! One of the early episodes of VH1's brand-spankin'-new "Totally Obsessed" show will feature ME, Reverend Freakin' Shoebox, showing off my Pac-Man shrine and other associated Pac-Man crap and just generally going off on the glory of the blessed yellow one and getting all sweaty for no damned reason! Other episodes feature that guy who had surgery to make his face look like a cat's, and somebody who dresses dead roaches up like celebrities, so of course I'm honored to be lumped in with such a disturbing group of people. No info yet on when this is gonna air, but I'll let you know as soon as I feel like letting you know! In the meantime, a few pictures of me with the Totally Obsessed crue, most of them taken by Steve Czarhardtospellnecki, are here! Be warned...I -DO- in fact have a mullet, and the pictures refer to me as "Tim" for some Pac-awful reason.

As an aside, I find it somewhat amusing that after putting years of hard work and effort and gas money into my comedy synth-punk band, Worm Quartet, I am now going to be featured on national television merely because I happen to like Pac-Man more than the average person. Gotta love this stuff.

STUPID PRESUMABLY CANADIAN DANCE CLUB STEALS ART FROM THIS PAGE I've always hoped that someday, if I did all my homework and brushed my teeth every day, bootie-shaking hoochies and greasy-haired X-chompin' playas looking for a piece of ass could be drawn to an establishment where they could listen to music in which repetitive bass thumps carry the melody by a flyer featuring an image STOLEN FROM MY SITE!!!! CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THIS CRAP! This is obviously the very image that faithful Pac-follower Pac'n-99 designed for the Church, and its use in this manner is a big green bucket of wrongness with a poodle spleen on top! I invite all brothers and sisters loyal to the glorious hungry semicircle of life to join me in saying "Bite Me, The Zen Lounge in Toronto!" Come on, say it! SAY IT, DAMN YOU!!!!

PAC-MAN MOVIE IN THE WORKS?!? After the success of such legendary theatrical blockbusters as Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter, and Double Dragon, Crystal Sky productions has somehow managed to acquire the rights to make a live-action/CG movie featuring our wonderous ever-round redeemer. Very little information is available on this project at the present time...but I will keep up the e-mail molestation of the appropriate people until they cough up the truth. Of course, just because the license has been optioned (oooh, look at me using movie industry words!) this doesn't necessarily mean the movie will actually be MADE. And there's no way of knowing for sure if it will be a worthy tribute or mere blasphemy (though since they've gotten the holy blessing from the Japanese monks of Namco, one would assume it has to be reasonably respectful.) But it's nice to think that this could happen, yes? For now, Click here to vote on what actor should play Pac-Man! (WARNING: This voting thingy is through BraveNet, and I'm too cheap to pay for the "pro" service, so you may get a popup ad or two when you click here. Sorry.)

ALL KINDS OF NEW PAC-MAN GAMES AND STUFF THAT I'VE DONE A TERRIBLE JOB KEEPING THE WORLD UPDATED ABOUT! I get constant e-mails from people asking me "Hey, did you know there's a 'Pac-Man Fever' game for the PS2?" and such, and my answer is OF COURSE I FREAKIN' DO!! I'm the Reverend of the First Church of Pac-Man, dammit!! I know all with regards to the great yellow one! I've just been too busy or lazy or stupid or checkered or whatever to update this here page with the info! Also, Pac-Man All-Stars exists for the PC, and I've got it (though I haven't played it yet,) and there's a bitchin' "Pac-Man Collection" available for the Game Boy Advance, which includes the elusive and wonderful "Pac-Man Arrangement," previously available only on the Namco Classics arcade game thingy. Feel free to buy them, and then you'll have them! Oh, and check out the official Pac-Man Fever page by clicking right the hell here!

REVEREND SHOEBOX'S MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO PAC-MAN AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW! Some of you may be aware that Reverend Shoebox (a.k.a *ME*) has a comedy synth-punk band called "Worm Quartet." Worm Quartet's 2002 CD, "Stupid Video Game Music," features Shoebox's first musical tribute to Pac-Man (written with fellow follower Pac-Manic) entitled "Pac-Man Is Naked And So Should You." Wanna check it out? Download the mp3 on The Worm Quartet MP3 Page!

Like it? OF COURSE YOU DO!! Go forth to the Worm Quartet website at wormquartet.com right the hell now, and purchase all my damned CDs! (Also available from interpunk.com if ya feel weird about sending me your money.

KNOCK IT OFF!!! I appreciate hearing from people who have stuff to contribute to the page or something nice to say to me, and I have no problem answering questions.  But lately, I keep getting really annoying e-mails from kids with very bad english saying things like "HI HOW CAN I PLAY THE GAME?"...they often write back mere MINUTES later saying "WHY WONT YOU RITE BACK TELL ME NOW!!!" 

A couple of comments about this (I'm putting them here to respond to all of these people at once:)
1. I do not sit in front of my computer all day waiting for you to e-mail me.  I check my e-mail once or twice a day.  You will not get a response mere minutes after you write to me.  You're not PAYING me for my services or anything...you have no right to expect that I'm gonna drop everything I'm doing and answer your whiny ass. In fact, if I get rude e-mails like this, I usually just delete them and block your address.
2. "HI HOW CAN I PLAY THE GAME?" is really not enough information.  I get a lot of e-mails that seem to assume that this page is the ONLY thing in my life, and that it should therefore be obvious to me what you're talking about.  Just because this page is the only thing in my life that's intersected with YOUR life doesn't mean it's all I do.
3. You suck and I hate you and I POOP ON YOUR SALAD!! BAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!


EXCLUSIVES


CLICK HERE FOR MY **EXCLUSIVE** INTERVIEW WITH
PAC-MAN WORLD DESIGNER SCOTT ROGERS FROM A WHILE AGO!

Includes tips, hints, easter eggs, answers to the Pinky sex change question, and STUFF!


CLICK HERE TO READ MY "PAC-MAN WORLD" PREVIEW FROM LONG AGO!!

Other church-exclusive reviews:
Pac-Man at the 2000 E3 - by Reverend -=ShoEoX=- (with a bunch of exclusive pics by my friend AL, who has spikey red hair and lives in DC.)
Pac-Man for the Game Boy Color - Reviewed by Reverend -=ShoEboX=-
Pac-Man for the Neo Geo Pocket Color - Reviewed by Cary Woodham
Ms. Pac-Man/Super Pac-Man for the Game Boy Color - Reviewed by Reverend -=ShoEboX=-


Sign my guestbook immediately!

The First Church of Pac-Man Visitor's Log
[View it ] [Sign it ]



In days of doubt...when life is painful and confusing, your quarter supply is diminished, and you just can't possibly eat another bite, simply ask yourself:

(Thanks to Pac-Manic for this blessed and wonderful graphic!)






Click here to check it out!

"False Idols" is my attempt to catalog every Pac-Man clone, ripoff, and wannabe EVER MADE. (Sure, I'll fail in this attempt. But hopefully I'll get a hell of a lot of 'em.)




 

I SAID "NOT A RELIGION," DAMMIT!

Not heeding the warning on top of this page, a couple of people have done the unthinkable...they've taken this page seriously!!! First, there were a couple of posts in my guestbook . One was a harmless post from somebody who wanted to make sure the page was a joke and wondered if I turned to Jesus Christ for real salvation... and I had no problem with that one. But another one condemned my page as blasphemy and warned me of vengeance from above (see my home page for the full post and my public response to its author.) And now, the next step has taken place...a Christian store called the Discount Christian Store, Inc. sent me an e-mail offering to "help expand the ministry" of my web site with a library of Christian books and Christian music/sound bites. Apparently these guys just search pages for the word "church" and send out e-mails to the webmasters (apparently assuming that all churches are Christian.)

Anyway, let me state this again for the record...THIS IS NOT A RELIGIOUS PAGE, OR AN ANTI-RELIGIOUS PAGE, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. It's a JOKE. And in all honesty, if that wasn't immediately obvious to you, you should do some deep soul-searching and consider the possibility that perhaps you're dumber than lint and should be neutered immediately so that future generations won't have to put up with your crap.

Go in peace,
Reverend -=ShoEboX=-



Puck-Man: The Original Pac-Man

Many people don't care about this...but Pac-Man was NOT the original name selected for the blessed Namco-borne redeemer we all love and cherish.

The holy yellow one's 1980 journey to the English-speaking world was torturous and confusing. Although Namco owned the Game in Japan, Midway somehow aquired the rights to release the Game in the U.S.. Since most Americans don't know many Japanese words (and tend to not be too great at translations, often changing simple advertising slogans into claims that carbonated beverages can raise your ancestors from the dead,) it was decided that the Japanese name would NOT be used, nor would a translation of the Japanese name (the Game's name in Japanese translates literally to "Eat-Man," which just sounds remarkably silly in a sophisticated language like the English we be talking.) The original name of the Japanese Game was Puck-Man, and it featured a picture of our beloved hungry hero and savior with, for some reason, a humongous nose.


Puck-Man...The Father Of All Things Pac

At some point, somebody apparently figured out that with minimal effort, some young hooligan could easily change the "P" to an "F," thus replacing the holy and perfectly clean title with a popular slang term for a carnal act. And although the monks of Midway must have been astonished at the thought that anybody would even think of desecrating the great yellow one's Game cabinet in such a way, they decided to change the name to "Pac-Man," and it was released as such.


The Great Yellow One Comes To America

Soon after, the world became a far more beautiful place. But what is the holy round one's true name? Does he prefer to be called "Pac-Man" or "Puck-Man?" I've asked scholars, sages, and programmers...and they all seem to have the same answer: "Go away and leave me alone. You frighten me."







Pics from my Pac-Man Shrine

UPDATED 8/8/04! Finally, a new friggin' picture of the Pac-Man shrine! Click here to see a partial picture of my Pac-Man stuff.

Click here for a pic of my Pac-Man TV tray, which I bought at a Salvation Army thrift store for 69 cents and formed some sort of strange bond with.

I've got two different Pac-Man hacky sacks, a wind-up Pac-Man, a bunch of different Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man handheld and tabletop games, The Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man boardgames, the Pac-Man card game, a Pac-Man puzzle, some scratch-off Ms. Pac-Man game cards, a Pac-Man lunchbox w/thermos, a few Pac-man t-shirts, a Pac-Man hat, a Pac-Man ball-keychain, a few of those plush Pac-Men, a Pac-Man window thing in my truck, a bunch of Pac-Man glasses, mugs, cups, and a beer stein, Pac-Man bowls, the aforementioned TV Tray, a Pac-Man Fever 7" record, a Pac-Man token dispenser, a couple of those "Kid Stuff" Pac-Man story records, several decks of Namco cards with Pac-Man art on them, some Namco temporary tattoos including Pac-Man characters, the "Pac-Mania" joke book, a couple of Pac-Man strategy guides, and the Pac-Man game (and various clones) for many many game machines, Pac-Man bed sheets, a Pac-Man pillow, a Pac-Man paddleball, a Pac-Man gumball machine, A Pac-Man "chinese yo-yo," Pac-Man collectible stickers (complete with gum!) a Pac-Man slinky, a couple of Pac-Man store displays, a Pac-Man bubble pen, and a bunch of other Pac-Man stuff I just can't remember right now...but I think the pride of my collection is still my Pac-Man whoopie cushion.



COOL PAC-THINGS I'VE SEEN LATELY


Pac-Man Token-Sliding Game Thingy

I didn't know Pac-Man had lent his wonderous name to a variation of one of those stupid token/quarter-sliding game thingies, so imagine my surprise when I was in North Carolina for Worm Quartet's yearly WE Fest performance, went to a bitchin' arcade that I can't remember the name of, and suddenly heard Pac-Man's heavenly intro music and melting death sounds coming from the ticket exchange area! I screamed with joy and ran to the source of the sound, which turned out to be the aforementioned token-sliding game thingy. Unable to speak when confronted so suddenly with the great yellow smile of the maze-dwelling source of all pixelated happiness, I simply embraced the game and allowed its golden light to permeate me.


Reverend -=ShoEboX=- greets the newest incarnation of the e'er-round redeemer

I've been unable to find any info on this, but according to namcoarcade.com, there's also another Pac-Man themed prize game called "CAPSULE FACTORY" in which players control a robot arm in an attempt to balance a capsule. Although I am uncertain why the Man of Pac would involve Himself with such things as robots and capsule-balancing, it is not my place to question Him. Nor, of course, is it yours, so shut up.

Are You Pac-Man?

Are you Pac-Man? Mr. Do? Mario? A Breakout bat? Kung Fu Master? Find out by going to the "What Video Game Character Am I?" page...a free psychoanalysis that tells you what video game character best represents you.

I guess I shouldn't be particularly surprised that I got this (without cheating:)

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Pacman.I am Pacman.

I am an aggressive sort of personality, out to get what I can, when I can. I prefer to avoid confrontation, but sometimes when it's called for, I can be a powerful character. I tend to be afflicted with munchies constantly. What Video Game Character Are You?

Interesting, I suppose, although I disagree that I'm aggressive...and if anyone says different I'll rip out their spleen with my teeth and spit it up their butt.

Anyway, those of you who are as frighteningly obsessed as me may notice that these well-meaning yet ill-informed souls commited the heresy of neglecting to put a hyphen between "Pac" and "Man," thus reducing the holy name of the Great Dot-Muncher to a single word. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to accuse them of blasphemy at the moment, so you do it.

Have You Been Playing Pac-Man Without A License?

I have a whole mess of unopened "Pac-Man Stickers And Rub-Offs" packages (complete with gum) and recently decided I needed to open a couple of them. Inside, amid a whole mess of unbelievably stupid stickers (such as the "You'd Be Happy Too If You Could Eat Monsters" sticker shown way at the bottom of this here page) was this thing:



I've looked it over a few times, and I'm sorry to say it looks official. This means that I (and, I'm suspecting, many of you) have been committing the grevious sin of playing Pac-Man without a license since the early 80's.

So anyway, upon learning that I was guilty of this atrocious crime, I did what any Pac-Fearing citizen would do...I went to the local police station and turned myself in. The conversation between me and the officer I wound up talking to went something like this:

Me: "Hi, I'd like to confess to a crime."
Officer Whatsizname: "Okay..." (pulling out a form and a pen)
Me: "I've been playing Pac-Man without a license for the last 20 years."
Officer: "Ah." (putting away pen and crumpling form into a ball.)
Me: "So arrest me and whatever. Please. I can't deal with the guilt."
Officer: "Look, we have real crimes to deal with here. Harassing an officer of the law is punishable by..."
Me: "Officer, I can't eat! I can't sleep! I'm being constantly tormented by nightmarish visions of holy yellow spirits of vengeance rising from the bowels of my Atari! The round one is beauteous and wonderous, but his wrath is fearful! Bow before the man of Pac or fear his swift and terrible hungry justice, mortal non-pixellated fool, lest the Holy One feast upon the power pellet of rage and thy soul become blue and edible!"
Officer: "I'll give you twenty dollars if you go away."

So please...for your own sake...print out this picture, fill it out, and keep it in your wallet at all times.

Original Pac-Man Game Hidden In Galaga/Ms. Pac-Man Reunion Game!

Okay, this is the coolest easter egg of all time.

First of all, the bowling alley down the road from me now has the Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga split game. It's BEAUTIFUL. I love it. It blew my mind that I finally got to see it and play it and everything.

Coincidentally, I just recently received an e-mail from loyal Pac-follower Frank Cosentino informing me of the following trick:

- Insert coin(s) into machine
- At the "press start button" screen, at which you can choose either Ms. Pac-Man or Galaga, move the joystick in the following pattern: up, up, up, down, down, down, left, right, left, right, left. You'll hear a sound, and the Ms. Pac-Man character on the screen will change color. Then hit the Ms. Pac-Man start button and (drum roll...) YOU WILL BE PLAYING PAC-MAN.

I tried this.

It works.

I just played Pac-Man on a NEW machine.

It cost 50 cents, but that's a gripe for another time.


The Perfect Pac-Man Score
It took 19 years, but FINALLY in 1999 somebody got a perfect score at the Game of Games. Billy Mitchell, a 33-year-old Fort Lauderdale resident and obviously a dedicated follower of the great yellow one, achieved in 6 hours the holy score of 3,333,360, the highest possible. This score can only be achieved by eating, in addition to every dot and energizer, EVERY fruit and EVERY blue ghost in each of the 256 levels (at the 256th, the screen splits and half of it is pure noise.)

More information on this glorious feat can be found at the
Twin Galaxies page .

Click here for a picture of Billy Mitchell!

Click here for videogames.com's interview with Billy Mitchell



New Pac-Stuff at Namco arcades!


On a recent trip to the local Namco Cyberstation, I was filled with glorious yellow joy when I found NEW PAC-MAN STUFF at the ticket redemption counter!! There are now Pac-Man flashlights, Pac-Man frisbees, toy trucks with Pac-Man on the trailers, NEW Pac-Man paddleballs, and all kinds of other great stuff!! I still suck at skee-ball, so once more I'm back to bribing Namco employees to get these things. Oh, Namco! Why won't you just GIVE me everything???

A New Pac-Man Game Hits Japan!



(NEW INFO ADDED 12/5!)
A new game called "Pac'n Party" has been sited at the Namco Japan website! Apparently, it has a small gun on it which you load with "medals," (similar to tokens, except you get about 20 of them for the cost of what ONE token usually costs in U.S. arcades,) and you shoot the medals at characters on a screen to win tickets. Due to the fact that U.S. arcades do not have "medals," this sort of rapid-fire token game is not likely to make it to America.

I finally managed to find the ENGLISH version of Namco's Pac'n'Party page. You can check out some pics, screenshots, and info by clicking here! (Thanks again to Frank Cosentino for some of this info, and to whoever originally told me about Namco's Pac'n'Party page...whoops...forgetful Reverend...)

The Most Disturbing Artistic Representation Of The Yellow One Ever


When the Atari 400/800 version of Pac-Man came out in 1982, it was the best official version available for a home system. Atari had exclusive rights to produce the game on home systems, so the only other version out there at the time of this release was the Atari 2600 version. This version featured graphics, sound, and gameplay that were FAR superior to the pathetic atrocity most people were stuck with on their 2600 systems. It wasn't a perfect adaptation, but it was considered astoundingly good at the time. Unfortunately, they called the ghosts "Goblins" and got their characteristics all wrong, and even more unfortunately, they used this as a cover:


The Atari 400/800 Pac-Man Box...Blasphemy, Artistic Atrocity, or Both?

Ignoring the fact that the maze is now a CASTLE and the ghosts all look like GRIMACE, let's discuss Pac-Man, shall me? Note the mitten-like hand, the Campbells-Kid cheeks, the freakin' buck teeth, and the thoroughly unnecessary TORSO. PAC-MAN DOES NOT HAVE A TORSO, ATARI!!!!!! For an equally frightening picture from this otherwise excellent game's instruction manual, click here.


Pac-Man in Ridge Racer V


Most of you seriously obsessed Pac-followers no doubt know by now that Pac-Man appears in Ridge Racer V for the Playstation 2. Here's how ya do it (stolen from videogames.com :)

Exceed 3,000 kilometers in total distance raced to unlock a red roadster with a Pac-Man driver. Ghosts on scooters will race against the Pac-Man car.

No pictures yet...cope.


New Pac-Man Shirts Available



Check out www.80stees.com RIGHT NOW, dammit! They've got a great line of shirts featuring 80s legends like the Transformers, the Smurfs, the Dukes of Hazzard, and, of course, the blessed yellow hungry icon to whom this humble page is devoted. The Pac-Man shirts this place has are unique and nifty designs that I've personally never seen anywhere else...one of them even shows a Smurf playing Pac-Man! Blasphemy? I don't know. Are Smurfs evil?


Pac-Man Goes Punk



The latest sampler from Lookout Records/Panic Button Records, featuring tracks by Screeching Weasel, the Mopes, Common Rider, The Mr. T Experience, and buttloads of other bands, features not only a digitally-altered picture of a Pac-Man machine but also the great yellow one himself, along with one of his adversaries, on skateboards! Go buy it for 5 bucks from interpunk.com !


Ms. Pac-Man fights Breast Cancer




(Link updated 3/24/02)
This is -NOT- a joke...this is -NOT- an imaginary story. Ms. Pac-Man has become the first official celebrity spokeswoman for the National Alliance of Breast Cancer Organizations (NABCO,) hence the pink ribbon in the picture above. They have a special page set up so that you can send a Ms. Pac-Man e-postcard to a friend reminding them to examine their breasts every month. You can check it out by clicking here. (A warning for the immature: The word "breast" appears several times on this page, so try not to wet yourself.)

While this is certainly a worthy cause, the irony of this, as many have pointed out, is that Ms. Pac-Man does not, in fact, appear to HAVE breasts (although my wife is of the opinion that she IS, in fact, a giant yellow breast.)


Pac-Man appears in a frying pan!!

Pac-Manic, a regular Pac-Chat poster, recently witnessed and photographed a strange spiritual Pac-miracle in his very own frying pan! Here's his description of this wonderous event:

"Some people claim to see their favorite religious figures in many strange places. Such as tree bark, vomit, window panes, clouds, potater chips, and etc. Why, as a member of the 1st Church of Pac-Man should WE be any different than those other crack pots? I got to see our round hungry saviour as I was making a sandwich, not any kind O sandwich mind you, a kind that my wife has forbid me to eat or even mention in polite company. A fried bologna sandwich. So basically I wait till she is gone and I make it. But Pac-Man came to me and spake unto me and said 'TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS' as I was frying him.

Click here to bear witness to this miracle yourself

Yet another drug charge for the blessed yellow one

As a longtime fan of the Bloodhound Gang (strangely enough NOT due to the Pac-Man hat Jimmy Pop is wearing on the cover of their first album,) I was shocked when I picked up their latest CD, "Hooray for Boobies," and right in the middle of the song "Mope," the music drops out and there is a moment of utter BLASPHEMY during which Pac-Man shows up and is portrayed as a crackhead!

The conversation goes something like this (I've *'d out the bad words because I've somehow miraculously managed to avoid using them on this page for years despite my real-life pottymouth and I feel like continuing the tradition:)

Pac-Man: Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is, motherf**kers?
DJ Q-Ball: Aw sh*t, here comes Pac-Man.
Jimmy Pop: Hey, Pac-Man! What's up?
Pac-Man: Me, you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?
Jimmy Pop: No, Pac-Man! Drugs are bad!
DJ Q-Ball: Nope, can't help you man/
Pac-Man: Pussies! (Takes a hit) WHOAH!! HOLY SH*T!!!
(Cue Pac-Man arcade game startup music)

See? CRACK!!! If this were a religion, I'd be offended!!!

Incidently, the album kicks ass and I highly recommend it.

Namco Time-Out Easter Egg Hunt

Me and my lovely wife went to see High Fidelity recently (I cannot recommend this movie enough, it's absolutely fantastic...one of the best I've ever seen) and then stopped off at the Namco Time-Out arcade in the mall.

Lo and behold, there was a poster on the side advertising an upcoming easter egg hunt (on APril 22nd) in the arcade! And the featured character on the poster? None other than the great yellow one himself, donned in some ridiculous looking bunny ears!!!!!

Needless to say, I asked the workerlady about possibly aquiring one of these posters for my very own, but she was obviously in no mood to deal with somebody like me (maybe I shouldn't have introduced myself by saying "Hi, I am a very pathetic and bizarre person, and I collect Pac-Man stuff!")

Anyway, they had contest entry forms with the same Pac-bunny pic on them, so I stole one and did half-ass scan, which you can see by clicking here!

A New Pac-Man for the Atari 2600

Somebody calling himself "Raindog" created a new Pac-Man game for the Atari 2600 by altering the graphics and sounds of an 2600 Ms. Pac-Man game. The result is a FAR better game than the original Atari 2600 Pac-Man (which was almost bad enough to be BLASPHEMOUS!) Definitely recommended. You can get more info on the holy quest to make a better Atari Pac-Man and download the latest version for free by clicking here. It isn't available on cartridge, though...so you'll either have to play it on an emulator, burn it onto a cartridge, or play it through your Starpath Supercharger (assuming you have a supercharger.)

The History Of Pac-Man

Videogames.com put this feature together...it's a fairly comprehensive history of Pac-Man from 1980 to today. The writer, Doug Trueman, mentions me, as he used First Church of Pac-Man page as one of his information sources, and put up a broken link to this page. Although he covered a lot of stuff (and even showed some Pac-Man merchandise and game screenshots I've never seen before,) he missed a few key things (such as the differences between "Pac-Man" and "Ms. Pac-Man." It's not just the bow, DAMMIT!!!) He also denounces Pac-Land and Pac-Mania as boring games that never should have been released. I dunno...I played both of these games when they were NEW in the arcades, and I loved them. Maybe this guy never had that opportunity, and thus never experienced them the way I did. Ah well. At least he acknowledged that Pac-Land predated Super Mario.

Despite these blasphemous insults, the article is still definitely worth reading and contains lots of facts about the yellow one, as well as a new interview with Billy Mitchell. You can check it out by clicking here.

Pac-Man Fever Unplugged!

Buckner and Garcia, the two silly-looking guys who, as mentioned here earlier, recently re-recorded their legendary "Pac-Man Fever" album on CD, have just released an EP including, among other things, an acoustic version of "Pac-Man Fever!" I haven't heard it yet, but you'll hear from me when I do.

Also, if you haven't ordered your copy of B&G's "Pac-Man Fever" yet, now's the time to do it! They just dropped the price, so now you can hear "Pac-Man Fever," "Do The Donkey Kong," "Ode to a Centipede," and all their other classics in all their digitally mastered glory.

For order info and other Buckner & Garcia stuff, go to www.bucknergarcia.com .

PAC-DX!!!

FINALLY!! Emulated Pac-Man gameplay with rendered 3D-ish graphics! Pac-Man is kinda spherical, the ghosts are actually GHOSTLY, and the mazes jump out of the screen!! Check it out here! This is an INCREDIBLE idea. I'm very glad to see it happening.

The Ultimate BASIC Pac-Man Clone!

QuickBasic programmer extraordinaire Philip Jay Cohen recently finished the freeware beta version of his masterpiece, an incredible clone of the Game of Games, Pac-Man! It is called "Pac-Classic" and it can be found on his web site. It features incredible EGA graphics which are VERY true to the original, sound effects sampled directly from the coin-op game, and a shout-out to yours truly, the humble Reverend -=ShoEboX=-. The source code is included, and being a QuickBasic programmer myself, I was completely and totally blown away. This WILL change the way you feel about BASIC. Go check it out.

Bask In The Light Of The Rendered Dancing Pac-Man

I don't know where this is from, but it's apparently a teaser for Namco's upcoming "Pac-Man World" game. If you've got QuickTime (or a similar viewer) you can watch Pac-Man shake his yellow self in a short movie by clicking below.
ftp://ftp.zdnet.com/gs/gsnews/99_09/20_vg_pacman/pacman2.mov (Approx. 2 Megs)

Wicky Wodda Gllump Wadda?

There's really nothing I can say about this...just click here.

Last NEW Ms. Pac-Man Arcade Game Sees The Sun!!!

The last known Ms. Pac-Man coin-op still in its original crate was recently purchased and opened! Click here for details!

Pac-Man In Trouble With General Mills

(This link was messed up! Shame on you for not telling me!! It's fixed now...although the page is half-gone...)

Pac-Man being sued for choosing Pop-Tarts over his own cereal? This just doesn't make any frikkin' sense at all. But feel free to check out the evidence collected here.

Online Pac-Man Scratch-Off Game


(Link updated 3/24/02)
Do you remember the old Pac-Man scratch-off games? I believe they used to come with the Pac-Man trading cards. You could scratch off the dots to reveal either a dot, a blue ghost, or a non-blue ghost (which, of course, would result in death.) Well, somebody made a javascript game out of these cards, and you can play it by clicking here.

(Of course, there were also Ms. Pac-Man scratch-off games available...I have a couple of those that are still sealed! Are THOSE gonna be emulated soon? Hmm? Are they?)

PLAYABLE Pac-Man Screen Saver!

Could there possibly be anything better?? Not only is a Pac-Man screensaver a glorious idea, but if you get sick of staring at the glory of the yellow one, you can actually PLAY THE GAME!! Click here for the Pac-Saver site. (Thanks, Pac-Manic!)

Pac-Man Arrested On Drug Charges

Blasphemy!! Absolute blasphemy!! We've already seen somebody try to use Pac-Man to explain sex (see "Pac-Man and Sex" below,) now somebody's trying to link our yellow lord to drugs! Click here to check it out for yourself.

The Pac-Man Defense

I'm not happy about this at all. Pac-Man was never meant to be part of the financial world, but some blasphemer apparently felt it necessary to name a business strategy after the blessed round one. Click here to check it out.

Pac-Man In The Classroom

Some gym teacher who was forced to hold their gym class in a classroom devised a "sport" based on the holiest of maze games. I personally feel that any sport that encourages children to eat their fellow students is dangerous, but I'd still LOVE to see this in action.
Click here to see how it's played.


Pac-Man ate WHAT now?!?!?

I'm not sure what to make of this...blasphemy, humor, or just another rehashing of a very old joke? You decide. I guess this was inevitable...
Click here if you want to see Pac-Man munch below the belt.

UPDATE:Link fixed 10/5/00.


Pac-Man Startup Screen For Windows '95

Chris Yura created this little beauty...it features a glorious huge picture of the glorious yellow one overshadowing the pathetic little "Windows 95" picture with cutesy clouds. Just replace your current "LOGO.SYS" with the "LOGO.SYS" file in this .ZIP and you're all set! (Or you can just view it using whatever you use to look at BMPs...)

Click here to download PAC-START.ZIP (33,817 bytes)

Pac-Man Mocktail Cocktail recipe

Pac-Man can't turn water into wine, but apparently he DOES have his own drink.
(NOTE: I got this from The Mining Company. If you think I'm making it up, click here for proof. )

Pac Man
Dash each of; Bitters & Grenadine, Splash of Lemon juice, Ginger Ale
Stir all but Ginger Ale over ice, Fill with Ginger Ale, Garnish with an Orange slice

I haven't tried this yet...but I plan to do some research on this as soon as I figure out what the hell a Grenadine is...I usually stick to mudslides and/or beer.

UPDATE (10/5/2000:) I NOW KNOW WHAT GRENADINE IS. So the dozens of you that have been writing to me to tell me can shut up whenever it's convenient. Thanks!


Pac-Man Font


A lot of people have asked for this font...so I'm putting it up on the page. This beautiful little font is freeware, so enjoy!!

Click here to download CRACKMAN.ZIP (15,239 bytes)


Pac-Man and Sex

Click here for something rather frightening... An experiment designed to show the importance of sex in the study of continuity of life and how sex offers genetic variablility therefore allowing evolution to proceed at a faster rate when necessary, with Pac-Man as an example. The biology teacher who came up with this must have inhaled some fumes from a burnt-out Z-80 or something.

New Pac-Man Merchandise!

GO TO YOUR LOCAL NAMCO CYBERSTATION ARCADE. RIGHT NOW.

Now, go over to the place where they have all the crappy prizes you can win if you're fortunate enough to be a gifted skee-ball player. Mixed in among the Bugs Bunny bookmarks and the erasers that smell like rotten fruit, you'll find a treasure trove of PAC-MAN STUFF!! Pac-Man token dispensers, Pac-Man temporary tattoos, Pac-Man playing cards, Pac-Man mini basketball hoops...hell, I even got a Pac-Man whoopie cushion! Now, there are two ways to acquire this stuff. One way is to get really good at skee-ball and blow your entire savings collecting these nifty little tickets:


Nifty Little Namco Prize Ticket You Get For Wasting Your Tokens On Non-Video Games

And the other way is to beg and plead with the guy who's working there. Offer to buy the merchandise (they won't sell it to you.) Tell 'em you're a Pac-Man collector. They'll try to tell you that it's not really Pac-Man merchandise, it's really Namco merchandise and it just happens to have a picture of Pac-Man on it. But you don't care, do you? It's PAC-MAN , dammit!!! Tell him this. Chances are the person will either be nice, feel sorry for you, or be very afraid of you...and no matter which of these options they choose, inevitably they will give you all the Pac-Man merchandise they have! They really don't care. If you happen to run up against a tightass Namco Cyberstation employee who doesn't feel the spirit of giving, show up some other time and bother one of the other workers. It's worth the effort and the making-a-fool-of-yourself...this stuff is really cool. :)

UPDATE:The Namco Cyberstations don't seem to have Pac-Man stuff any more, at least not the ones I've been to lately. Dammit...
UPDATE (2/9/99):Now they do again!! Fickle little bastards, aren't they?
UPDATE (5/4/99):Now they have even MORE!! Plush Pac-Men of various sizes, even!! And Pac-Man school supply thingies!! WOW!!

Namco Classics Vol. 2


I found a coin-op game thing that contains 3 *CLASSIC* namco games...namely Pac-Man, Dig-Dug, and...um...some other one. The big thing is this: In addition to the classics, there are *NEW* versions of all three games!!! I played a game of the new Pac-Man, and it's freakin' cool as hell!! I can't remember many of the details, since I only had time to play it once, but there are little arrow-things you can run over to make Pac-Man ZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOMMMM across the maze, making any ghost monsters he runs into in the process become "dizzy" and just stand there looking silly for a few seconds. In addition, the backgrounds are cool, the maze changes, the characters are 3-d lookin', and the dots dance around a bit (K.C. Munchkin comes to mind.) I also played the new Dig-Dug game, which was also ultra-spiffy.

There used to be one of these at a service station on the Mass. Pike, but it's gone. :(

Pac-Man street rod

Here's another pic I found while I was Yahooin' around looking for Pac-stuff. It's a freakin' Pac-Man street rod!!! Click here to check it out!


-=Reverend Shoebox=-




The Anatomy of Pac-Man

The anatomy of Pac-Man is very simple if one does not consider how Pac-Man moves, sees, hears, melts, etc.. The primary function of Pac-Man is, of course, eating. This is reflected in the following diagram:
Body - Pac-Man is exoskeletal. The "skin" is actually a thick yellow shell, which in addition to offering protection to predators, allows Pac-Man to hide unseen in a box of jawbreakers or Nuprin.
Mouth - This is Pac-Man's only visible external organ (unlike some of his clones and successors, who had the luxury of eyes.) Some believe that the opening and closing of the mouth, in addition to allowing Pac-Man to eat everything around him, also propels him forward.
Brain - Pac-Man's tiny brain helps him distinguish dots from ghost monsters, keeps his mouth moving, and does very little else.
Jaw Muscles - Pac-Man's only muscles are located in his impressive jaws. They are strong enough to move rapidly for long periods of time without any noticeable fatigue, and allow Pac-Man to injest blue monsters that are the same size as he is!
Appendix - Pac-Man's appendix doesn't do anything, but hasn't caused him any problems yet.
Stomach - This is Pac-Man's largest organ, taking up nearly 90% of his body, and is basically a storage space for dots, fruit, ghost monster flesh, keys, etc. until it can be digested. Pac-Man's digestive system, amazingly enough, actually utilizes EVERYTHING he eats. No waste is generated.

For more information, make something up.


Screen Shots

Resize these and use them as your Windows wallpaper! Or just look at 'em.
Pac-Man : The normal Pac-Man screen...this one's my wallpaper.
Hangly-Man : One of the many "altered" Pac-Man games.
Puckman : Another one.

All of these were taken using the very wonderful MAME emulator.

 




The Pac-Man Forum   - A great Pac-Man message board...the only one I ever visit.

Pac-Land - My favorite!!  An informative-yet-bizarre Pac-Man site from a man after my own heart (with a fork,) Pac-Manic!

The Pac Page - Still a great source of Pac-Man info and downloads, but hasn't been updated in years!

Jeff Morris's Pac-Man page

The Pac-Man Shrine   - A Pac-Man site with LOTS of stuff stolen from my page.  Seriously.

A gallery of Pac-Man art - Some psychiatrist is gonna be able to put his kids through college because of this guy.

Jrok's Homepage - Download the best Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man clones ever written...and they're FREE.

Pac-Man University - "Yahoo Clubs" Pac-Man discussion area.

.

 

This Pac-Land site is owned by
-=ShoEboX=- .

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If you find this page amusing and want more, check out my main page:
-=ShoEboX=- World

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(Pic by Pac-Fay)


© 1996-2004 Shoebox. Pac-Man and all his various junk is TM and © and whatever the hell else by the holy priests of Namco.