Updated 8/8/04!!
O Pac-Man, glutton divine,
Thy roundness is exceeded only by thy yellowness.
Thou takest away the barriers in the maze of life,
Thou makest fruit to appear before me,
Thou turnest my enemies blue.
I humbly offer this quarter unto thee
As a symbol of my sacrifice,
And stuff.
Reverend -=ShoEboX=-
(Artwork above by Pac'n 99, a devoted follower of the eater of all.)
Last updated 8/8/24 A.P.
(Or 8/8/2004 A.D., if you follow THAT calendar...)
Updated News, Cool Pac-Things, and False Idols sections and added new shrine pics
More updates coming soon!!!
In days of doubt...when life is painful and confusing,
your quarter supply is diminished, and you just can't possibly eat another
bite, simply ask yourself:
(Thanks to Pac-Manic for this blessed and wonderful graphic!)
Welcome, brothers and sisters, to the church of Pac-Man! Join us in
the joyous heavenly celebration of all things Pac! He who is round and hungry
has a plan for all of us, and that plan involves QUARTERS! And a JOYSTICK!
And a PIXELLATED DISPLAY of a MAZE! And all kinds of OTHER STUFF! Can
I get an A-Men? No? Well, okay.
Below, you'll find all the Pac-Man stuff I could possibly cram onto one
page. You may find it bizarre, you may find it insulting, you may find it
frightening. But if you do, you'll also find that I don't give a crap.
If you find you like my brand of humor,
Click here to check out my other pages!
They're all equally strange.
I haven't added a whole lot to this page, really...I intended to thoroughly
redo it before bringing it back, but time is not my bitch. I'll still
be adding SOME stuff though, so check back from time to time and see what
stupid things I've done.
THE PROPHESIZED UMPTEENTH COMING IS UPON US!!
Pac-Man is a registered trademark of the holy priests of
Namco. This page is not in any way affiliated with Namco, but we think they're really keen, and
they're fully aware of this page and occasionally send me really neat stuff.
Like my weird sense of humor? Then you must immediately
check out my band,
Worm Quartet!
Worm Quartet is a comedy synth-punk band which has been featured
on the Dr. Demento show and in very few other places! There's a bunch
of free mp3s available for download on the site, including my musical tribute to the
glorious yellow one, "Pac-Man Is Naked And So Should You!"
FIRST CHURCH OF PAC-MAN FEATURED ON VH-1! Holy crap, this'll screw up my
bandwidth! One of the early episodes of VH1's brand-spankin'-new "Totally Obsessed"
show will feature ME, Reverend Freakin' Shoebox, showing off my Pac-Man
shrine and other associated Pac-Man crap and just generally going off on the glory of
the blessed yellow one and getting all sweaty for no damned reason! Other episodes
feature that guy who had surgery to make his face look like a cat's, and somebody
who dresses dead roaches up like celebrities, so of course I'm honored to be lumped
in with such a disturbing group of people. No info yet on
when this is gonna air, but I'll let you know as soon as I feel like letting you know!
In the meantime, a few pictures of me with the Totally Obsessed crue, most of them taken
by Steve Czarhardtospellnecki, are
here! Be warned...I -DO- in fact
have a mullet, and the pictures refer to me as "Tim" for some Pac-awful reason.
As an aside, I find it somewhat amusing that after putting years of hard work and
effort and gas money into my comedy synth-punk band, Worm Quartet,
I am now going to be featured on national television merely because I happen to like Pac-Man more than the average person. Gotta love this stuff.
STUPID PRESUMABLY CANADIAN DANCE CLUB STEALS ART FROM THIS PAGE I've always
hoped that someday, if I did all my homework and brushed my teeth every day, bootie-shaking hoochies
and greasy-haired X-chompin' playas looking for a piece of ass could be drawn to an establishment where
they could listen to music in which repetitive bass thumps carry the melody by a flyer featuring
an image STOLEN FROM MY SITE!!!! CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THIS CRAP!
This is obviously the very image that faithful Pac-follower Pac'n-99 designed for the Church, and its use in
this manner is a big green bucket of wrongness with a poodle spleen on top! I invite all brothers and
sisters loyal to the glorious hungry semicircle of life to join me in saying "Bite Me, The Zen Lounge in
Toronto!" Come on, say it! SAY IT, DAMN YOU!!!!
PAC-MAN MOVIE IN THE WORKS?!? After the success of such legendary theatrical
blockbusters as Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter, and Double Dragon, Crystal Sky
productions has somehow managed to acquire the rights to make a live-action/CG movie
featuring our wonderous ever-round redeemer. Very little information is available on
this project at the present time...but I will keep up the e-mail molestation of the
appropriate people until they cough up the truth. Of course, just because the
license has been optioned (oooh, look at me using movie industry words!) this doesn't
necessarily mean the movie will actually be MADE. And there's no way of knowing for
sure if it will be a worthy tribute or mere blasphemy (though since they've gotten
the holy blessing from the Japanese monks of Namco, one would assume it has to be
reasonably respectful.) But it's nice to think that this could happen, yes? For now,
Click here to vote on what actor should play Pac-Man! (WARNING: This voting thingy
is through BraveNet, and I'm too cheap to pay for the "pro" service, so you may get
a popup ad or two when you click here. Sorry.)
ALL KINDS OF NEW PAC-MAN GAMES AND STUFF THAT I'VE DONE A TERRIBLE JOB KEEPING
THE WORLD UPDATED ABOUT! I get constant e-mails from people asking me "Hey, did
you know there's a 'Pac-Man Fever' game for the PS2?" and such, and my answer is
OF COURSE I FREAKIN' DO!! I'm the Reverend of the First Church of Pac-Man,
dammit!! I know all with regards to the great yellow one! I've just been too busy
or lazy or stupid or checkered or whatever to update this here page with the info!
Also, Pac-Man All-Stars exists for the PC, and I've got it (though I haven't played
it yet,) and there's a bitchin' "Pac-Man Collection" available for the Game Boy
Advance, which includes the elusive and wonderful "Pac-Man Arrangement," previously
available only on the Namco Classics arcade game thingy. Feel free to buy them, and
then you'll have them! Oh, and check out the official Pac-Man Fever page by
clicking
right the hell here!
REVEREND SHOEBOX'S MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO PAC-MAN AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW!
Some of you
may be aware that Reverend Shoebox (a.k.a *ME*) has a comedy synth-punk band
called "Worm Quartet." Worm Quartet's 2002 CD, "Stupid Video Game Music,"
features Shoebox's first musical tribute to Pac-Man (written with fellow
follower Pac-Manic) entitled "Pac-Man Is Naked And So Should You." Wanna check
it out? Download the mp3 on The Worm Quartet MP3 Page!
Like it? OF COURSE YOU DO!! Go forth to the Worm Quartet website at wormquartet.com
right the hell now, and purchase all my damned CDs! (Also available from interpunk.com
if ya feel weird about sending me your money.
KNOCK IT OFF!!! I appreciate hearing from people who have stuff to
contribute to the page or something nice to say to me, and I have no problem
answering questions. But lately, I keep getting really annoying e-mails
from kids with very bad english saying things like "HI HOW CAN I PLAY THE
GAME?"...they often write back mere MINUTES later saying "WHY WONT YOU RITE
BACK TELL ME NOW!!!"
A couple of comments about this (I'm putting them here to respond to all
of these people at once:)
1. I do not sit in front of my computer all day waiting for you to e-mail
me. I check my e-mail once or twice a day. You will not get
a response mere minutes after you write to me. You're not PAYING me
for my services or anything...you have no right to expect that I'm gonna
drop everything I'm doing and answer your whiny ass. In fact, if I get rude
e-mails like this, I usually just delete them and block your address.
2. "HI HOW CAN I PLAY THE GAME?" is really not enough information. I
get a lot of e-mails that seem to assume that this page is the ONLY thing
in my life, and that it should therefore be obvious to me what you're talking
about. Just because this page is the only thing in my life that's
intersected with YOUR life doesn't mean it's all I do.
3. You suck and I hate you and I POOP ON YOUR SALAD!! BAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
EXCLUSIVES
CLICK HERE FOR MY **EXCLUSIVE** INTERVIEW WITH
PAC-MAN WORLD DESIGNER SCOTT ROGERS FROM A WHILE AGO!
Includes tips, hints, easter eggs, answers to the Pinky sex change question,
and STUFF!
CLICK HERE TO READ MY "PAC-MAN WORLD" PREVIEW FROM
LONG AGO!!
Other church-exclusive reviews:
Pac-Man at the 2000 E3 - by Reverend -=ShoEoX=- (with
a bunch of exclusive pics by my friend AL, who has spikey red hair and lives in DC.)
Pac-Man for the Game Boy Color - Reviewed by Reverend
-=ShoEboX=-
Pac-Man for the Neo Geo Pocket Color - Reviewed by Cary
Woodham
Ms. Pac-Man/Super Pac-Man for the Game Boy
Color - Reviewed by Reverend -=ShoEboX=-
Sign my guestbook immediately!
The First Church of Pac-Man Visitor's Log
[View it
] [Sign it
]
In days of doubt...when life is painful and confusing, your quarter supply
is diminished, and you just can't possibly eat another bite, simply ask yourself:
(Thanks to Pac-Manic for this blessed and wonderful graphic!)
Click here to check it out!
"False Idols" is my attempt to catalog every Pac-Man clone, ripoff, and
wannabe EVER MADE. (Sure, I'll fail in this attempt. But hopefully I'll
get a hell of a lot of 'em.)
Not heeding the warning on top of this page, a couple
of people have done the unthinkable...they've taken this page seriously!!!
First, there were a couple of posts in my
guestbook
. One was a harmless post from somebody who wanted to make sure the page
was a joke and wondered if I turned to Jesus Christ for real salvation...
and I had no problem with that one. But another one condemned my page
as blasphemy and warned me of vengeance from above (see
my home page
for the full post and my public response to its author.) And now, the
next step has taken place...a Christian store called the
Discount Christian Store, Inc.
sent me an e-mail offering to "help expand the ministry" of my web site
with a library of Christian books and Christian music/sound bites. Apparently
these guys just search pages for the word "church" and send out e-mails to
the webmasters (apparently assuming that all churches are Christian.)
Anyway, let me state this again for the record...THIS IS NOT A RELIGIOUS
PAGE, OR AN ANTI-RELIGIOUS PAGE, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. It's a JOKE.
And in all honesty, if that wasn't immediately obvious to you, you should
do some deep soul-searching and consider the possibility that perhaps you're
dumber than lint and should be neutered immediately so that future generations
won't have to put up with your crap.
Go in peace,
Reverend -=ShoEboX=-
Puck-Man: The Original Pac-Man
Many people don't care about this...but Pac-Man was NOT
the original name selected for the blessed Namco-borne redeemer we all love
and cherish.
The holy yellow one's 1980 journey to the English-speaking world was
torturous and confusing. Although Namco owned the Game in Japan, Midway
somehow aquired the rights to release the Game in the U.S.. Since most Americans
don't know many Japanese words (and tend to not be too great at translations,
often changing simple advertising slogans into claims that carbonated beverages
can raise your ancestors from the dead,) it was decided that the Japanese
name would NOT be used, nor would a translation of the Japanese name (the
Game's name in Japanese translates literally to "Eat-Man," which just sounds
remarkably silly in a sophisticated language like the English we be talking.)
The original name of the Japanese Game was Puck-Man, and it featured a picture
of our beloved hungry hero and savior with, for some reason, a humongous nose.
Puck-Man...The Father Of All Things Pac
At some point, somebody apparently figured out that with minimal effort,
some young hooligan could easily change the "P" to an "F," thus replacing
the holy and perfectly clean title with a popular slang term for a carnal
act. And although the monks of Midway must have been astonished at the thought
that anybody would even think of desecrating the great yellow one's Game
cabinet in such a way, they decided to change the name to "Pac-Man," and
it was released as such.
The Great Yellow One Comes To America
Soon after, the world became a far more beautiful place.
But what is the holy round one's true name? Does he prefer to be called
"Pac-Man" or "Puck-Man?" I've asked scholars, sages, and programmers...and
they all seem to have the same answer: "Go away and leave me alone. You
frighten me."
Pics from my Pac-Man Shrine
UPDATED 8/8/04! Finally, a new friggin' picture of the Pac-Man shrine!
Click here
to see a partial picture of my Pac-Man stuff.
Click here
for a pic of my Pac-Man TV tray, which I bought at a Salvation Army thrift
store for 69 cents and formed some sort of strange bond with.
I've got two different Pac-Man hacky sacks, a wind-up Pac-Man, a bunch of different
Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man handheld and tabletop games, The Pac-Man and Ms.
Pac-Man boardgames, the Pac-Man card game, a Pac-Man puzzle, some scratch-off
Ms. Pac-Man game cards, a Pac-Man lunchbox w/thermos, a few Pac-man t-shirts,
a Pac-Man hat, a Pac-Man ball-keychain, a few of those plush Pac-Men, a
Pac-Man window thing in my truck, a bunch of Pac-Man glasses, mugs, cups,
and a beer stein, Pac-Man bowls, the aforementioned TV Tray, a Pac-Man Fever
7" record, a Pac-Man token dispenser, a couple of those "Kid Stuff" Pac-Man
story records, several decks of Namco cards with Pac-Man art on them, some
Namco temporary tattoos including Pac-Man characters, the "Pac-Mania" joke
book, a couple of Pac-Man strategy guides, and the Pac-Man game (and various
clones) for many many game machines, Pac-Man bed sheets, a Pac-Man pillow,
a Pac-Man paddleball, a Pac-Man gumball machine, A Pac-Man "chinese yo-yo,"
Pac-Man collectible stickers (complete with gum!) a Pac-Man slinky, a couple
of Pac-Man store displays, a Pac-Man bubble pen, and a bunch of other Pac-Man
stuff I just can't remember right now...but I think the pride of my collection
is still my Pac-Man whoopie cushion.
Pac-Man Token-Sliding Game Thingy
I didn't know Pac-Man had lent his wonderous name to a variation of one of those stupid token/quarter-sliding
game thingies, so imagine my surprise when I was in North Carolina for Worm Quartet's yearly WE Fest performance,
went to a bitchin' arcade that I can't remember the name of, and suddenly heard Pac-Man's heavenly intro music
and melting death sounds coming from the ticket exchange area! I screamed with joy and ran to the source of the sound, which turned
out to be the aforementioned token-sliding game thingy. Unable to speak when confronted so suddenly with the
great yellow smile of the maze-dwelling source of all pixelated happiness, I simply embraced the game and allowed
its golden light to permeate me.
Reverend -=ShoEboX=- greets the newest incarnation of the e'er-round redeemer
I've been unable to find any info on this, but according to namcoarcade.com,
there's also another Pac-Man themed prize game called "CAPSULE FACTORY" in which players control a robot arm in an
attempt to balance a capsule. Although I am uncertain why the Man of Pac would involve Himself with such
things as robots and capsule-balancing, it is not my place to question Him. Nor, of course, is it yours, so shut up.
Are You Pac-Man?
Are you Pac-Man? Mr. Do? Mario? A Breakout bat? Kung Fu Master? Find out by going to the "What Video Game Character Am I?" page...a
free psychoanalysis that tells you what video game character best represents you.
I guess I shouldn't be particularly surprised that I got this (without cheating:)
 I am Pacman.
I am an aggressive sort of personality, out to get what I can, when I can. I prefer to avoid confrontation, but sometimes when it's called for, I can be a powerful character. I tend to be afflicted with munchies constantly. What Video Game Character Are You?
|
Interesting, I suppose, although I disagree that I'm aggressive...and if anyone says different I'll rip out their
spleen with my teeth and spit it up their butt.
Anyway, those of you who are as frighteningly obsessed as me may notice that these
well-meaning yet ill-informed souls commited the heresy of neglecting to put a hyphen
between "Pac" and "Man," thus reducing the holy name of the Great Dot-Muncher to a
single word. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to accuse them of blasphemy at the moment, so you do it.
Have You Been Playing
Pac-Man Without A License?
I have a whole mess of unopened "Pac-Man Stickers And Rub-Offs" packages
(complete with gum) and recently decided I needed to open a couple of them.
Inside, amid a whole mess of unbelievably stupid stickers (such as the "You'd
Be Happy Too If You Could Eat Monsters" sticker shown way at the bottom
of this here page) was this thing:
I've looked it over a few times, and I'm sorry to say it looks official.
This means that I (and, I'm suspecting, many of you) have been committing
the grevious sin of playing Pac-Man without a license since the early 80's.
So anyway, upon learning that I was guilty of this atrocious crime, I
did what any Pac-Fearing citizen would do...I went to the local police station
and turned myself in. The conversation between me and the officer I wound
up talking to went something like this:
Me: "Hi, I'd like to confess to a crime."
Officer Whatsizname: "Okay..." (pulling out a form and a pen)
Me: "I've been playing Pac-Man without a license for the last 20 years."
Officer: "Ah." (putting away pen and crumpling form into a ball.)
Me: "So arrest me and whatever. Please. I can't deal with the guilt."
Officer: "Look, we have real crimes to deal with here. Harassing an
officer of the law is punishable by..."
Me: "Officer, I can't eat! I can't sleep! I'm being constantly tormented
by nightmarish visions of holy yellow spirits of vengeance rising from the
bowels of my Atari! The round one is beauteous and wonderous, but his wrath
is fearful! Bow before the man of Pac or fear his swift and terrible hungry
justice, mortal non-pixellated fool, lest the Holy One feast upon the power
pellet of rage and thy soul become blue and edible!"
Officer: "I'll give you twenty dollars if you go away."
So please...for your own sake...print out this picture, fill it out,
and keep it in your wallet at all times.
Original Pac-Man Game Hidden In Galaga/Ms.
Pac-Man Reunion Game!
Okay, this is the coolest easter egg of all time.
First of all, the bowling alley down the road from me now has the Ms.
Pac-Man/Galaga split game. It's BEAUTIFUL. I love it. It blew my mind that
I finally got to see it and play it and everything.
Coincidentally, I just recently received an e-mail from loyal Pac-follower
Frank Cosentino informing me of the following trick:
- Insert coin(s) into machine
- At the "press start button" screen, at which you can choose either
Ms. Pac-Man or Galaga, move the joystick in the following pattern: up,
up, up, down, down, down, left, right, left, right, left. You'll hear
a sound, and the Ms. Pac-Man character on the screen will change color.
Then hit the Ms. Pac-Man start button and (drum roll...) YOU WILL BE PLAYING
PAC-MAN.
I tried this.
It works.
I just played Pac-Man on a NEW machine.
It cost 50 cents, but that's a gripe for another time.
The Perfect Pac-Man Score
It took 19 years, but FINALLY in 1999 somebody got a perfect
score at the Game of Games. Billy Mitchell, a 33-year-old Fort Lauderdale
resident and obviously a dedicated follower of the great yellow one, achieved
in 6 hours the holy score of 3,333,360, the highest possible. This score
can only be achieved by eating, in addition to every dot and energizer, EVERY
fruit and EVERY blue ghost in each of the 256 levels (at the 256th, the
screen splits and half of it is pure noise.)
More information on this glorious feat can be found at the
Twin Galaxies
page
.
Click here for a picture of Billy
Mitchell!
Click here for videogames.com's interview with Billy Mitchell
New Pac-Stuff at Namco arcades!
On a recent trip to the local Namco Cyberstation, I was filled with glorious
yellow joy when I found NEW PAC-MAN STUFF at the ticket redemption
counter!! There are now Pac-Man flashlights, Pac-Man frisbees, toy trucks
with Pac-Man on the trailers, NEW Pac-Man paddleballs, and all kinds of other
great stuff!! I still suck at skee-ball, so once more I'm back to bribing
Namco employees to get these things. Oh, Namco! Why won't you just
GIVE me everything???
A New Pac-Man Game Hits Japan!
(NEW INFO ADDED 12/5!)
A new game called "Pac'n Party" has been sited at the Namco Japan website!
Apparently, it has a small gun on it which you load with "medals," (similar
to tokens, except you get about 20 of them for the cost of what ONE token
usually costs in U.S. arcades,) and you shoot the medals at characters on
a screen to win tickets. Due to the fact that U.S. arcades do not have "medals,"
this sort of rapid-fire token game is not likely to make it to America.
I finally managed to find the ENGLISH version of Namco's Pac'n'Party
page. You can check out some pics, screenshots, and info
by clicking here!
(Thanks again to Frank Cosentino for some of this info, and to whoever
originally told me about Namco's Pac'n'Party page...whoops...forgetful Reverend...)
The Most Disturbing Artistic Representation Of The Yellow One
Ever
When the Atari 400/800 version of Pac-Man came out in 1982, it was the
best official version available for a home system. Atari had exclusive
rights to produce the game on home systems, so the only other version out
there at the time of this release was the Atari 2600 version. This version
featured graphics, sound, and gameplay that were FAR superior to
the pathetic atrocity most people were stuck with on their 2600 systems.
It wasn't a perfect adaptation, but it was considered astoundingly good
at the time. Unfortunately, they called the ghosts "Goblins" and got their
characteristics all wrong, and even more unfortunately, they used this as
a cover:
The Atari 400/800 Pac-Man Box...Blasphemy, Artistic Atrocity, or Both?
Ignoring the fact that the maze is now a CASTLE and the ghosts all look
like GRIMACE, let's discuss Pac-Man, shall me? Note the mitten-like hand,
the Campbells-Kid cheeks, the freakin' buck teeth, and the thoroughly unnecessary
TORSO. PAC-MAN DOES NOT HAVE A TORSO, ATARI!!!!!!
For an equally frightening picture from this otherwise excellent game's instruction
manual, click here.
Pac-Man in Ridge Racer V
Most of you seriously obsessed Pac-followers no doubt know by now that
Pac-Man appears in Ridge Racer V for the Playstation 2. Here's how ya
do it (stolen from videogames.com
:)
Exceed 3,000 kilometers in total distance raced to unlock a red roadster
with a Pac-Man driver. Ghosts on scooters will race against the Pac-Man
car.
No pictures yet...cope.
New Pac-Man Shirts Available
Check out www.80stees.com
RIGHT NOW, dammit! They've got a great line of shirts featuring 80s
legends like the Transformers, the Smurfs, the Dukes of Hazzard, and, of
course, the blessed yellow hungry icon to whom this humble page is devoted.
The Pac-Man shirts this place has are unique and nifty designs that I've
personally never seen anywhere else...one of them even shows a Smurf playing
Pac-Man! Blasphemy? I don't know. Are Smurfs evil?
Pac-Man Goes Punk
The latest sampler from Lookout Records/Panic Button Records, featuring
tracks by Screeching Weasel, the Mopes, Common Rider, The Mr. T Experience,
and buttloads of other bands, features not only a digitally-altered picture
of a Pac-Man machine but also the great yellow one himself, along with one
of his adversaries, on skateboards! Go buy it for 5 bucks from
interpunk.com
!
Ms. Pac-Man fights Breast Cancer
(Link updated 3/24/02)
This is -NOT- a joke...this is -NOT- an imaginary story. Ms. Pac-Man
has become the first official celebrity spokeswoman for the National Alliance
of Breast Cancer Organizations (NABCO,) hence the pink ribbon in the picture
above. They have a special page set up so that you can send a Ms. Pac-Man
e-postcard to a friend reminding them to examine their breasts every month.
You can check it out
by clicking here.
(A warning for the immature: The word "breast" appears several times
on this page, so try not to wet yourself.)
While this is certainly a worthy cause, the irony of this, as many have
pointed out, is that Ms. Pac-Man does not, in fact, appear to HAVE breasts
(although my wife is of the opinion that she IS, in fact, a giant
yellow breast.)
Pac-Man appears in a frying pan!!
Pac-Manic, a regular Pac-Chat poster, recently witnessed and photographed
a strange spiritual Pac-miracle in his very own frying pan! Here's his description
of this wonderous event:
"Some people claim to see their favorite religious figures in many strange
places. Such as tree bark, vomit, window panes, clouds, potater chips, and
etc. Why, as a member of the 1st Church of Pac-Man should WE be any different
than those other crack pots? I got to see our round hungry saviour as I was
making a sandwich, not any kind O sandwich mind you, a kind that my wife
has forbid me to eat or even mention in polite company. A fried bologna sandwich.
So basically I wait till she is gone and I make it. But Pac-Man came to
me and spake unto me and said 'TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS' as I was
frying him.
Click here
to bear witness to this miracle yourself
Yet another drug charge for the blessed yellow one
As a longtime fan of the Bloodhound Gang (strangely enough NOT due to
the Pac-Man hat Jimmy Pop is wearing on the cover of their first album,)
I was shocked when I picked up their latest CD, "Hooray for Boobies," and
right in the middle of the song "Mope," the music drops out and there is
a moment of utter BLASPHEMY during which Pac-Man shows up and is portrayed
as a crackhead!
The conversation goes something like this (I've *'d out the bad words
because I've somehow miraculously managed to avoid using them on this page
for years despite my real-life pottymouth and I feel like continuing the
tradition:)
Pac-Man: Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is, motherf**kers?
DJ Q-Ball: Aw sh*t, here comes Pac-Man.
Jimmy Pop: Hey, Pac-Man! What's up?
Pac-Man: Me, you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?
Jimmy Pop: No, Pac-Man! Drugs are bad!
DJ Q-Ball: Nope, can't help you man/
Pac-Man: Pussies! (Takes a hit) WHOAH!! HOLY SH*T!!!
(Cue Pac-Man arcade game startup music)
See? CRACK!!! If this were a religion, I'd be offended!!!
Incidently, the album kicks ass and I highly recommend it.
Namco Time-Out Easter Egg Hunt
Me and my lovely wife went to see High Fidelity recently (I cannot recommend
this movie enough, it's absolutely fantastic...one of the best I've ever
seen) and then stopped off at the Namco Time-Out arcade in the mall.
Lo and behold, there was a poster on the side advertising an upcoming
easter egg hunt (on APril 22nd) in the arcade! And the featured character
on the poster? None other than the great yellow one himself, donned in some
ridiculous looking bunny ears!!!!!
Needless to say, I asked the workerlady about possibly aquiring one of
these posters for my very own, but she was obviously in no mood to deal
with somebody like me (maybe I shouldn't have introduced myself by saying
"Hi, I am a very pathetic and bizarre person, and I collect Pac-Man stuff!")
Anyway, they had contest entry forms with the same Pac-bunny pic on
them, so I stole one and did half-ass scan, which you can see by
clicking here!
A New Pac-Man for the Atari 2600
Somebody calling himself "Raindog" created a new Pac-Man game for the
Atari 2600 by altering the graphics and sounds of an 2600 Ms. Pac-Man game.
The result is a FAR better game than the original Atari 2600 Pac-Man (which
was almost bad enough to be BLASPHEMOUS!) Definitely recommended. You
can get more info on the holy quest to make a better Atari Pac-Man and download
the latest version for free
by clicking here.
It isn't available on cartridge, though...so you'll either have to play
it on an emulator, burn it onto a cartridge, or play it through your Starpath
Supercharger (assuming you have a supercharger.)
The History Of Pac-Man
Videogames.com put this feature together...it's a fairly comprehensive
history of Pac-Man from 1980 to today. The writer, Doug Trueman, mentions
me, as he used First Church of Pac-Man page as one of his information sources,
and put up a broken link to this page. Although he covered a lot of stuff
(and even showed some Pac-Man merchandise and game screenshots I've never
seen before,) he missed a few key things (such as the differences between
"Pac-Man" and "Ms. Pac-Man." It's not just the bow, DAMMIT!!!) He also
denounces Pac-Land and Pac-Mania as boring games that never should have
been released. I dunno...I played both of these games when they were NEW
in the arcades, and I loved them. Maybe this guy never had that opportunity,
and thus never experienced them the way I did. Ah well. At least he acknowledged
that Pac-Land predated Super Mario.
Despite these blasphemous insults, the article is still definitely worth
reading and contains lots of facts about the yellow one, as well as a new
interview with Billy Mitchell. You can check it out
by clicking here.
Pac-Man Fever Unplugged!
Buckner and Garcia, the two silly-looking guys who, as mentioned here
earlier, recently re-recorded their legendary "Pac-Man Fever" album on CD,
have just released an EP including, among other things, an acoustic version
of "Pac-Man Fever!" I haven't heard it yet, but you'll hear from me when
I do.
Also, if you haven't ordered your copy of B&G's "Pac-Man Fever" yet,
now's the time to do it! They just dropped the price, so now you can hear
"Pac-Man Fever," "Do The Donkey Kong," "Ode to a Centipede," and all their
other classics in all their digitally mastered glory.
For order info and other Buckner & Garcia stuff, go to
www.bucknergarcia.com
.
PAC-DX!!!
FINALLY!! Emulated Pac-Man gameplay with rendered 3D-ish graphics! Pac-Man
is kinda spherical, the ghosts are actually GHOSTLY, and the mazes jump
out of the screen!! Check it out
here!
This is an INCREDIBLE idea. I'm very glad to see it happening.
The Ultimate BASIC Pac-Man Clone!
QuickBasic programmer extraordinaire Philip Jay Cohen recently finished
the freeware beta version of his masterpiece, an incredible clone of the
Game of Games, Pac-Man! It is called "Pac-Classic" and it can be found
on his web site.
It features incredible EGA graphics which are VERY true to the original,
sound effects sampled directly from the coin-op game, and a shout-out to
yours truly, the humble Reverend -=ShoEboX=-. The source code is included,
and being a QuickBasic programmer myself, I was completely and totally blown
away. This WILL change the way you feel about BASIC. Go check it out.
Bask In The Light Of The Rendered Dancing Pac-Man
I don't know where this is from, but it's apparently a teaser for Namco's
upcoming "Pac-Man World" game. If you've got QuickTime (or a similar viewer)
you can watch Pac-Man shake his yellow self in a short movie by clicking
below.
ftp://ftp.zdnet.com/gs/gsnews/99_09/20_vg_pacman/pacman2.mov
(Approx. 2 Megs)
Wicky Wodda Gllump Wadda?
There's really nothing I can say about this...just
click here.
Last NEW Ms. Pac-Man Arcade Game Sees The Sun!!!
The last known Ms. Pac-Man coin-op still in its original crate was recently
purchased and opened!
Click here for details!
Pac-Man In Trouble With General Mills
(This link was messed up! Shame on you for not telling me!! It's
fixed now...although the page is half-gone...)
Pac-Man being sued for choosing Pop-Tarts over his own cereal? This just
doesn't make any frikkin' sense at all. But feel free to check out the evidence
collected here.
Online Pac-Man Scratch-Off Game
(Link updated 3/24/02)
Do you remember the old Pac-Man scratch-off games? I believe they used
to come with the Pac-Man trading cards. You could scratch off the dots
to reveal either a dot, a blue ghost, or a non-blue ghost (which, of course,
would result in death.) Well, somebody made a javascript game out of these
cards, and you can play it
by clicking here.
(Of course, there were also Ms. Pac-Man scratch-off games available...I
have a couple of those that are still sealed! Are THOSE gonna be emulated
soon? Hmm? Are they?)
PLAYABLE Pac-Man Screen Saver!
Could there possibly be anything better?? Not only is a Pac-Man screensaver
a glorious idea, but if you get sick of staring at the glory of the yellow
one, you can actually PLAY THE GAME!!
Click here for the Pac-Saver site.
(Thanks, Pac-Manic!)
Pac-Man Arrested On Drug Charges
Blasphemy!! Absolute blasphemy!! We've already seen somebody try to
use Pac-Man to explain sex (see "Pac-Man and Sex" below,) now somebody's
trying to link our yellow lord to drugs!
Click here
to check it out for yourself.
The Pac-Man Defense
I'm not happy about this at all. Pac-Man was never meant to be part
of the financial world, but some blasphemer apparently felt it necessary
to name a business strategy after the blessed round one.
Click here to check it out.
Pac-Man In The Classroom
Some gym teacher who was forced to hold their gym class in a classroom
devised a "sport" based on the holiest of maze games. I personally feel
that any sport that encourages children to eat their fellow students is dangerous,
but I'd still LOVE to see this in action.
Click here
to see how it's played.
Pac-Man ate WHAT now?!?!?
I'm not sure what to make of this...blasphemy, humor, or just another
rehashing of a very old joke? You decide. I guess this was inevitable...
Click here
if you want to see Pac-Man munch below the belt.
UPDATE:Link fixed 10/5/00.
Pac-Man Startup Screen For Windows '95
Chris Yura created this little beauty...it features a glorious huge picture
of the glorious yellow one overshadowing the pathetic little "Windows 95"
picture with cutesy clouds. Just replace your current "LOGO.SYS" with the
"LOGO.SYS" file in this .ZIP and you're all set! (Or you can just view it
using whatever you use to look at BMPs...)
Click here to download PAC-START.ZIP
(33,817 bytes)
Pac-Man Mocktail Cocktail recipe
Pac-Man can't turn water into wine, but apparently he DOES have his own
drink.
(NOTE: I got this from The Mining
Company.
If you think I'm making it up,
click here for proof.
)
Pac Man
Dash each of; Bitters & Grenadine, Splash of Lemon juice, Ginger
Ale
Stir all but Ginger Ale over ice, Fill with Ginger Ale, Garnish with
an Orange slice
I haven't tried this yet...but I plan to do some research on this as
soon as I figure out what the hell a Grenadine is...I usually stick to mudslides
and/or beer.
UPDATE (10/5/2000:) I NOW KNOW WHAT GRENADINE IS. So the dozens
of you that have been writing to me to tell me can shut up whenever it's
convenient. Thanks!
Pac-Man Font
A lot of people have asked for this font...so I'm putting it up on the
page. This beautiful little font is freeware, so enjoy!!
Click here to download CRACKMAN.ZIP
(15,239 bytes)
Pac-Man and Sex
Click here for something
rather frightening...
An experiment designed to show the importance of sex in the study of
continuity of life and how sex offers genetic variablility therefore allowing
evolution to proceed at a faster rate when necessary, with Pac-Man as an
example. The biology teacher who came up with this must have inhaled some
fumes from a burnt-out Z-80 or something.
New Pac-Man Merchandise!
GO TO YOUR LOCAL NAMCO CYBERSTATION ARCADE. RIGHT NOW.
Now, go over to the place where they have all the crappy prizes you can
win if you're fortunate enough to be a gifted skee-ball player. Mixed in
among the Bugs Bunny bookmarks and the erasers that smell like rotten fruit,
you'll find a treasure trove of PAC-MAN STUFF!! Pac-Man token dispensers,
Pac-Man temporary tattoos, Pac-Man playing cards, Pac-Man mini basketball
hoops...hell, I even got a Pac-Man whoopie cushion! Now, there are two
ways to acquire this stuff. One way is to get really good at skee-ball
and blow your entire savings collecting these nifty little tickets:
Nifty Little Namco Prize Ticket You Get For Wasting Your Tokens On Non-Video
Games
And the other way is to beg and plead with the guy who's working there.
Offer to buy the merchandise (they won't sell it to you.) Tell 'em you're
a Pac-Man collector. They'll try to tell you that it's not really Pac-Man
merchandise, it's really Namco merchandise and it just happens to have a
picture of Pac-Man on it. But you don't care, do you? It's PAC-MAN
, dammit!!! Tell him this. Chances are the person will either be nice,
feel sorry for you, or be very afraid of you...and no matter which of these
options they choose, inevitably they will give you all the Pac-Man merchandise
they have! They really don't care. If you happen to run up against a tightass
Namco Cyberstation employee who doesn't feel the spirit of giving, show up
some other time and bother one of the other workers. It's worth the effort
and the making-a-fool-of-yourself...this stuff is really cool. :)
UPDATE:The Namco Cyberstations don't seem to have Pac-Man stuff any
more, at least not the ones I've been to lately. Dammit...
UPDATE (2/9/99):Now they do again!! Fickle little bastards, aren't
they?
UPDATE (5/4/99):Now they have even MORE!! Plush Pac-Men of various
sizes, even!! And Pac-Man school supply thingies!! WOW!!
Namco Classics Vol. 2
I found a coin-op game thing that contains 3 *CLASSIC* namco games...namely
Pac-Man, Dig-Dug, and...um...some other one. The big thing is this: In
addition to the classics, there are *NEW* versions of all three games!!!
I played a game of the new Pac-Man, and it's freakin' cool as hell!! I can't
remember many of the details, since I only had time to play it once, but
there are little arrow-things you can run over to make Pac-Man ZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOMMMM
across the maze, making any ghost monsters he runs into in the process become
"dizzy" and just stand there looking silly for a few seconds. In addition,
the backgrounds are cool, the maze changes, the characters are 3-d lookin',
and the dots dance around a bit (K.C. Munchkin comes to mind.) I also played
the new Dig-Dug game, which was also ultra-spiffy.
There used to be one of these at a service station on the Mass. Pike,
but it's gone. :(
Pac-Man street rod
Here's another pic I found while I was Yahooin' around looking for Pac-stuff.
It's a freakin' Pac-Man street rod!!! Click here
to check it out!
-=Reverend Shoebox=-
The Anatomy of Pac-Man
The anatomy of Pac-Man is very simple if one does not consider how Pac-Man
moves, sees, hears, melts, etc.. The primary function of Pac-Man is, of
course, eating. This is reflected in the following diagram:
Body - Pac-Man is exoskeletal. The "skin" is actually a thick yellow
shell, which in addition to offering protection to predators, allows Pac-Man
to hide unseen in a box of jawbreakers or Nuprin.
Mouth - This is Pac-Man's only visible external organ (unlike some
of his clones and successors, who had the luxury of eyes.) Some believe
that the opening and closing of the mouth, in addition to allowing Pac-Man
to eat everything around him, also propels him forward.
Brain - Pac-Man's tiny brain helps him distinguish dots from ghost
monsters, keeps his mouth moving, and does very little else.
Jaw Muscles - Pac-Man's only muscles are located in his impressive
jaws. They are strong enough to move rapidly for long periods of time
without any noticeable fatigue, and allow Pac-Man to injest blue monsters
that are the same size as he is!
Appendix - Pac-Man's appendix doesn't do anything, but hasn't caused
him any problems yet.
Stomach - This is Pac-Man's largest organ, taking up nearly 90% of
his body, and is basically a storage space for dots, fruit, ghost monster
flesh, keys, etc. until it can be digested. Pac-Man's digestive system,
amazingly enough, actually utilizes EVERYTHING he eats. No waste is generated.
For more information, make something up.
Screen Shots
Resize these and use them as your Windows wallpaper! Or just look at
'em.
Pac-Man
: The normal Pac-Man screen...this one's my wallpaper.
Hangly-Man
: One of the many "altered" Pac-Man games.
Puckman
: Another one.
All of these were taken using the very wonderful MAME emulator.
The Pac-Man Forum
- A great Pac-Man message board...the only one I ever visit.
Pac-Land
- My favorite!! An informative-yet-bizarre Pac-Man site from a
man after my own heart (with a fork,) Pac-Manic!
The Pac Page
- Still a great source of Pac-Man info and downloads, but hasn't been
updated in years!
Jeff Morris's Pac-Man page
The Pac-Man Shrine
- A Pac-Man site with LOTS of stuff stolen from my page. Seriously.
A gallery of Pac-Man art
- Some psychiatrist is gonna be able to put his kids through college because
of this guy.
Jrok's Homepage
- Download the best Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man clones ever written...and
they're FREE.
Pac-Man University
- "Yahoo Clubs" Pac-Man discussion area.
.
If you find this page amusing and want more, check out my main page:
There used to be a REALLY huge counter here...I mean GIGANTIC. Gotta
find a new free counter to set up.
Send e-mail to
Reverend Shoebox
(Pic by Pac-Fay)
© 1996-2004
Shoebox. Pac-Man and all his various junk is TM and © and whatever the hell else by the holy priests of
Namco.
