Poorly-Drawn Lamp Page
PLENTY of people have marveled at how I spend my free time since this page's inception. The word "plenty" over there used to be a counter, but I don't have a counter on this here new site yet.




My feet REALLY smell today and I don't know why! That's not important, nor is the fact that I've updated the lamp page again! But BOTH ARE TRUE! As is the fact that once again I must plug my one-man comedy synth-punk band, WORM QUARTET. Go check it out! It's disturbingly silly! Head on over to  www.wormquartet.com and listen to a few free tracks, and  if ya like it, you can order the new full-length CD, "Stupid Video Game Music," for a mere 6 bucks!  Features "Dear God," which you may or may not have heard on the Dr. Demento show! (It hit #4 on the Funny Top Five the other weekend!)

I *AUTOMATICALLY* block your address if you send me a bitmap!!  They give me cavities, warts, and 'Nam flashbacks! Not to mention they take too damned long to download, they're too big, and I don't want to have to take the time to convert them. Some drawing programs files to .BMP format by default for some reason, so if you're not sure what format your file is in, please WRITE TO ME before sending me the file.

Last updated 4/30/02
(A day on which I ate many Chinese things.)

Are you a lousy lamp artist? Scroll down to see how to submit YOUR lamps to this page!

This week's poorly-drawn lamp:
Click here to view
"sad lamp being attacked by squirrels, underwater with a plane and a fish" - by cutie pie

I just...I just...I just *LOVE* this stupid lamp!! I can't explain it, but can you ever really explain love? It's just something you feel way down in your spleen or whatever, and it makes all your icky stinky pulsating slimy parts get all atingle or something. The lamp looks like a giant marshmallow with an ugly umbrella sitting atop a yellow ball. I'm totally okay with that. The plane? The fish? The squirrels? THEY'RE ALL FINE!!! FIIIIINE!! HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAAAA I can't BELIEVE how much my feet smell. I mean, seriously. It's the kind of stink that could melt a poodle from across a room, and I know it, because there's a puddle with some curly steaming fur in it over there in the corner next to my boxes of Atari games (which you CANNOT HAVE...I still play them regularly because they are FUN!) I sense I've gone off on a tangent. I don't care. This is MY page, and if I want to rant about PUDDING (which I don't,) I WILL!! Now I shall say cake thrice. CAKE CAKE CAKE. Let's pretend, just for a moment, that the elderly are edible. I don't mean edible as in you have to catch, scale, and cook them...no. I mean if you could just go up to a hobbling old granny on the street and take a nice big bite of her tasty wrinkled flesh. What would be UP with that? I mean, WOW! That's freakin'...I mean, DAMN that's weird! *I AM NOT ON DRUGS!* Come on! Why does everyone think that? I may drink a bit too much coffee, and I may like the smell of permanent marekers a wee bit too much, but I have *NEVER* fondled Andrew Lloyd Weber in an inappropriate way. I mean, done drugs. I haven't! I'm drug-free, and nobody believes me. Nobody believes I'm the Master Of Crayons And Yogurt either, but I don't claim to be. Anyway, hey man...good lamp. SHUT UP!! STOP TOUCHING ME!!!! COME BACK, DAVE THOMAS!! THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR COMFORTING SMILE HOVERING OVER US AS WE EAT SQUARE BURGERS!!!

Permanent Poorly-Drawn Lamp Archive

"The Death of a Lamp" - by Shoebox
"Lamp in the Way" by Shoebox
"A Lamp? For Me? Thanks, Giant Snail!" by Shoebox
"The Silence Of The Lamps" by Shoebox
"Lamp That Looks Like Ugly Cat Stands Next To Cat That Looks Like Ugly Lamp" - by Psycho Bean
"The Lamp Made Pee Pee" - By Pac Manic
"Attack Of The Lamp That Shouldn't Be There" - by Shoebox
"Lamp That Mesmerizes Chickens" - By Mrs. Shoebox
"The Lamps Who Stole My Ford" - By Tim Hansen
"A Lamp Thwarts a Miscolored Antarctic Giraffe's Depth Perception" - By Gastropod
"Karyn's Lamp" - By Karyn (age 4)
"Lamp Bungee-Jumping From Floating Couch Into Hole On Floor While Other Lamp Is Pissed While Imaginary Dog Watches" - By Shoebox's Wife


Lamp of the Lost 

From now on, every freakin' week that I feel like it, I'm gonna put up a random lamp from the past! You might notice that most of them are by *ME*. This is because in the early days of the lamp page, NOBODY KNEW ABOUT IT and thus NOBODY SUBMITTED ANYTHING!! Those of you who missed the early days can go "Wow! Look what I missed out on!" while those of you who've been here since the beginning are PATHETIC LOSERS!

Lamp goes here
The second appearance of the great and generous giver of lamps...behold once more the giant snail.


Last 10 Poorly-Drawn Lamps

"Monochromatic Buddhist Lamp Levitates Above Loose Tightrope While The Yellow-Multi-Racial-Bathtub-Fun-Men Team Kicks Off The Rugby Ball To The Yellow-Non-Multi-Racial-Bathtub-Fun-Men Team Below" - by Teto1
"We don't care if you get struck by lightning, we still hate you lamp" - by Holothurian
"Red and blue lamp thinks it is a butterfly that dreams it is a tall greyish lamp" - by Moses Palmér
"Marie Lamptoinette"- by booB
The Lamps in Math Class" - by Hedgehog
"Lamp Gone Bad" - by Scotty
"Rebel lamp ignores sign, gets very dirty" - by Bigjerk
"The Overly Critical German Bottle-Glass Lamps" - by Tim Hansen
"distressed lamp being eaten by a giant hunk of rabid, deformed cheese" - by The Miniature Giant Space Hamsters

If you think one of these belongs in the Permanent archive, send me e-mail!

Some poor soul was so inspired by the Poorly-Drawn Lamp Page that he decided to have his very own Poorly-Drawn Lamp party! He invited a bunch of people over (apparently with the only criteria for admission being a complete lack of drawing ability and a complete misunderstanding of the definition of the word "party") and they all got together and drew LAMPS. It amazes me that something I created has led so many talenteless morons to waste their time in this manner...I've never been so proud. Anyway, you can see 151 mind-numbingly awful pictures from this party at this here web site



If you've sent me a lamp recently and you haven't seen it up yet, DON'T get all upset and assume I've decided not to display your lamp. The problem is this: I put one lamp a week on the page, and I've gotten a LOT of submissions lately, therefore it may be a few months before yours makes it up here. I know that kinda sucks, but doesn't everything? Feel free to write to me if ya want to know when your lamp is scheduled to be put up on the page. I'm a nice guy and respond to most e-mail.


Friends, Romans, Countrymen...SEND ME YOUR LAMPS!!!

Want to submit a lamp to the poorly-drawn lamp page? Attach it to an e-mail (in .JPG or .GIF format, please... DO NOT SEND ME .BMP FILES. If you send me a .BMP file, or anything else that isn't a .JPG or a .GIF, I will delete it, block your address, and possibly deposit several rabid ferrets into your underwear drawer . NO EXCEPTIONS! ) and send it to shoebox@wormquartet.com ! Make sure you include the title of the drawing and your name/nickname as you want it to appear on the page. If your drawing is terrible enough or funny enough (preferably both,) it'll be put up on the page! And you'll be given credit! YOUR NAME up in lights on the Poorly-Drawn Lamp Page!!! You'll be famous! You'll be a hero! You'll get laid constantly! People will come up to you and give you yogurt with no explanation! And, most importantly, you'll waste valuable time! So send your lamps to me RIGHT THIS SECOND or I'll poop in your dishwasher!!!

(Oh yeah...and by the way...there are a MILLION programs out there that will convert a .BMP drawing to a .JPG or .GIF. RENAMING a .BMP as a .JPG or .GIF does -NOT- convert it!!!!)


Look for a new lamp every week! If there isn't one, cope!


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