PLENTY of people have marveled at how I spend my free time since this page's inception. The word "plenty" over there used to be a counter, but I don't have a counter on this here new site yet.
A quick note: DO
*NOT* UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND ME .BMP
I *AUTOMATICALLY* block your address if you send me a bitmap!! They give me cavities, warts, and 'Nam flashbacks! Not to mention they take too damned long to download, they're too big, and I don't want to have to take the time to convert them. Some drawing programs files to .BMP format by default for some reason, so if you're not sure what format your file is in, please WRITE TO ME before sending me the file.
(A day on which I ate many Chinese things.)
Are you a lousy lamp artist? Scroll down to see how to submit YOUR lamps to this page!
This week's poorly-drawn lamp:
"sad lamp being attacked by squirrels, underwater with a plane and a fish" - by cutie pie
I just...I just...I just *LOVE* this stupid lamp!! I can't explain it, but can you
ever really explain love? It's just something you feel way down in your spleen or
whatever, and it makes all your icky stinky pulsating slimy parts get all atingle or
something. The lamp looks like a giant marshmallow with an ugly umbrella sitting atop
a yellow ball. I'm totally okay with that. The plane? The fish? The squirrels?
THEY'RE ALL FINE!!! FIIIIINE!! HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAAAA I can't BELIEVE how
much my feet smell. I mean, seriously. It's the kind of stink that could melt
a poodle from across a room, and I know it, because there's a puddle with some
curly steaming fur in it over there in the corner next to my boxes of Atari games
(which you CANNOT HAVE...I still play them regularly because they are FUN!) I sense
I've gone off on a tangent. I don't care. This is MY page, and if I want to rant
about PUDDING (which I don't,) I WILL!! Now I shall say cake thrice. CAKE CAKE CAKE.
Let's pretend, just for a moment, that the elderly are edible. I don't mean edible
as in you have to catch, scale, and cook them...no. I mean if you could just go up to
a hobbling old granny on the street and take a nice big bite of her tasty wrinkled
flesh. What would be UP with that? I mean, WOW! That's freakin'...I mean, DAMN that's
weird! *I AM NOT ON DRUGS!* Come on! Why does everyone think that? I may drink a
bit too much coffee, and I may like the smell of permanent marekers a wee bit too much,
but I have *NEVER* fondled Andrew Lloyd Weber in an inappropriate way. I mean, done
drugs. I haven't! I'm drug-free, and nobody believes me. Nobody believes I'm the
Master Of Crayons And Yogurt either, but I don't claim to be. Anyway, hey man...good lamp.
SHUT UP!! STOP TOUCHING ME!!!! COME BACK, DAVE THOMAS!! THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR COMFORTING
SMILE HOVERING OVER US AS WE EAT SQUARE BURGERS!!!
The second appearance of the great and generous giver of lamps...behold once more the giant snail.
If you think one of these belongs in the Permanent archive, send me e-mail!
*POORLY-DRAWN LAMP PARTY!*
Some poor soul was so inspired by the Poorly-Drawn Lamp Page that he decided to have his very own Poorly-Drawn Lamp party! He invited a bunch of people over (apparently with the only criteria for admission being a complete lack of drawing ability and a complete misunderstanding of the definition of the word "party") and they all got together and drew LAMPS. It amazes me that something I created has led so many talenteless morons to waste their time in this manner...I've never been so proud. Anyway, you can see 151 mind-numbingly awful pictures from this party at this here web site
(Oh yeah...and by the way...there are a MILLION programs out there that will convert a .BMP drawing to a .JPG or .GIF. RENAMING a .BMP as a .JPG or .GIF does -NOT- convert it!!!!)
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