Poorly-drawn lamps, Pac-Man, StupidSoft, Worm Quartet, the beating of Tipper Gore, and more!
 

FLAMINGMAYO.COM WISHES IT WAS PROUD TO PRESENT
-=ShoEboX=- World
 

of my friends have slept with your Mom.

CLICK HERE FOR A COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY MESSAGE FROM SHOEBOX!!!!!

A brief commentary from Shoebox:


 

SEX IS NICE BUT IT CAN'T VOTE.

The views expressed above are the opinions of -=ShoEboX=-, and if you don't agree with him, then you can't have any cake.

 
 

Hello, you worthless boring jerk-faced bucket of phlegm!


 

Well, sheeee-it!! Damned if you ain't HERE!!!

Look!! I've updated Shoebox World without actually adding anything new (except for that bitchin' background pic, which is a Hulkified version of ME!) And I've moved to a brand-spankin' new place, cuz geocities is so full of SUCK these days!!

I *WILL* be adding new crap soon, honest...I'm paying for web space now, so I'll be damned if I ain't gonna misuse it somehow. In the meantime, I'll continue updating The Poorly-Drawn Lamp Page every stupid freakin' weak, as usual.

There has been a LOT of activity lately over at my band's page, wormquartet.com. This is because I've got a new freakin' album coming out, hopefully at the end of November, chock-full of all the spifftastic comedy synth-punk you've come to expect from my big stupid mouth. There's lots of free mp3s over thataway, plus a message board and other supremely nifty things.

My most famous page, the First Church of Pac-Man, is on hiatus momentarily...I'll bring it back as soon as I can do it justice to some degree.
 



Captain Spiffy takes a dump
Has this ever happened to you?

For those of you who are new here...HI! I'm Shoebox, known to some as -=ShoEboX=-, and this is my freakin' page. Most people's personal pages have to do with themselves. They put little pics of themselves up everywhere, talk about what's going on in their lives, talk about their interests (with hyperlinks for practically every freaking word) put up a few hundred pictures of their cats doing cute little things like knocking over the yogurt or sniffing their own crotch, and then add a "This page is always under construction" thing and never update it again (unless they get a new cat.) This type of thing actually inspired me to write a song at one point, entitled, appropriately, "I Don't Give A Shit About Your Website." (click to check it out in glorious mp3 format)

I consider myself far too boring to devote an entire page to.

Therefore, I've constructed -=ShoEboX=- world. It contains links to a whole bunch of strange, odd, and occasionally amusing pages that I made in my spare time (which I do *NOT* have too much of, contrary to popular belief.) If you look to your left, you'll see a whole bunch of cutesy little icons. Click on the bastards to check out the rest of my pages.

If you don't want to, then fine. Don't. Stare at this stupid page 'til your balls fester.

Here are a few stories and articles I wrote a while back:

Hammered - 1997
The "Pull Over, You Long-Haired Freak!" Quiz - 1996
Continuity - 1997
(Most people don't get this one...)
Corporate Heart - 2000

Comments or any other such crap? E-mail me and maybe I'll listen to you.

Want to see a picture of me? No? Well, tough.

Unbelievable...I posed in front of the mirror, I grabbed my camera and aimed just right, and just as I snapped the shutter, MY HEAD WENT SUPERNOVA!!! I have the worst luck...

Click here for the Adventures of Donkey Breath, a Shoebox mini-feature!


 

SHOEBOX'S FAMOUS SOCK MONKEY RANT

When I'm on the toilet and don't have any reading material available, I invariably end up thinking, usually far too much and usually about subjects that are either distressing, wistful, or, more often, completely wacko. The other day, this happened. I was thinking about all the bad things that have happened to me in my life, from my first breakup to the time I accidentally smacked myself in the genitals with a large dog chain, and I suddenly came to the conclusion that every unpleasant occurrence in my existence could somehow be linked to sock monkeys.

I realized that I had no proof of this theory, and that proving it would require time and a great deal of research. This didn’t sound fun, so instead I drew some devil horns and evil eyes on a photo of a sock monkey and came up with a semi-catchy anti-sock monkey slogan.

SOCK MONKEYS BAD

I also realized that this wouldn't be enough to sway some of the pompous jerks who, for some reason, refuse to accept everything I say without question. So, for these people, I compiled the following list of sock monkey facts, some of which I didn't make up:


So the next time you do something incredibly stupid, like accidently stapling your sister's gerbils together or spilling 3,847 boxes of Jell-o mix into your pool, do what I do: Blame those evil blasphemous baby-eating Regis-And-Kathie-Lee-watching sock monkeys. If you want, buy yourself a sock monkey and do something terrible to it. Take a picture of this, scan it in, and send it to me...maybe I'll start a sock monkey torture page.

Toodles.

-=ShoEboX=-

Last updated 11/1/01
(Moved the whole damned page to a new damned site, changed some crap around.)


 

SHOEBOX RECEIVES DEATH THREAT FROM GOD!!!

Want to see something really scary??? Click here for the most frightening page I've seen in a while. This is the home page of a Christian supremacist whose web page is anti-homosexual, anti-feminism, anti-earth day (?!?!?), anti-halloween, etc., warns that America is going to hell, and compares everything and everyone to Hitler. She was nice enough to sign my Church of Pac-Man guestbook with this warning (basically a death threat in disguise:)
"Your page is nothing but Blasphemy! God will not be happy with you waving your web page in his face and mocking him. I wouldn't be surprised of a hurricane ripped your home apart of as lightning bolt struck you for your evil."
What a wonderful, tolerant, loving Christian message. How nice of this person, who obviously has a direct Batphone to the almighty, to tell me what her forgiving and merciful God thinks of my page. Now I'm a firm believer that everybody has a right to their own opinion...so I'm not going to spam her with hate mail or anything like that. But I am putting up this link to her page so that visitors to my page can check it out. I personally think it's a shocking example of just how intolerant and ignorant a person can be if they use religion as an excuse to close their eyes and minds.


Click right here to E-mail me - reverendshoebox@yahoo.com
Feel free to attach naked pictures of your sister (in .JPG or .GIF format) unless she looks like Ted Koppel.


Title: "Impressed With His Potato"
Artist: -=ShoEboX=-
Media: Pencil, Pen, and Stuff I Cut Out Of Various Places
Price: $692 and your Mom's left nipple


The contents of these pages are (C)1998-2001 Shoebox, who knows where you sleep and has often joined you there without your knowledge.


 
 

There's nothing more on this page.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I lied.