
ONLINE
STORE
Use the "Add to Cart" buttons if
you want to order by credit card or direct transfer. All credit card and checking account transfer orders are processed securely by PAYPAL.
See the bottom of the page for info on ordering by check or money order, or for
orders outside the U.S.
Looking for downloads? Digital files are available
from The
Mad Music Archive, CD Baby,
iTunes, and
Amazon
50% OF ALL PROCEEDS FROM WORM QUARTET CDs, DIGITAL DOWNLOADS, AND MERCH SALES FOR THE MONTH OF JANUARY 2010 WILL GO TOWARD THE RED CROSS / WFP RELIEF EFFORTS IN HAITI

CD’s:
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WORM QUARTET – MENTAL NOTES CD
Worm
Quartet's newest CD! Includes Dr. Demento
hits I'm Not A Girl and you were wrong cabinet sanchez, the FuMP devirginizer C Is For Lettuce, and WQ's most evil song ever, What Your
Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like. Features guest appearances by the
great Luke Ski, Curt Allen (formerly of Moriah,)
and Shoebox's wife. Cover art by Andy
Hopp.
$9.99
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WORM QUARTET – FASTER THAN A SPEEDING MULLET CD
Worm
Quartet’s third album features the anti-relationship anthem
“Great Idea For A Song” (which was the most requested song of 2004
on the Dr. Demento show,) the ode to breeding
“I’m Gonna Procreate,” and the
mindlessly angry “Let’s Make Fun Of The Amish!” 31
tracks of brand-spankin’-new WQ crap!
$9.99
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WORM QUARTET – STUPID VIDEO GAME MUSIC CD
Worm
Quartet’s second album is finally back in print, fully remastered with brand-new art, EIGHT bonus tracks, and a
super-secret hidden video game! Songs include "Frank's Not In The
Band Anymore" (the #2 song of 2002 on Dr. Demento’s
Funny Top 25) plus the equally-existent “Dear God,”
"Mommy’s Broken," "I Hate Syracuse," “Call Me
Jennifer And Steal My Stapler,” "Road Bliss," and a cover of
Atom and his Package's "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad
Mad Mad Lib."
Bonus tracks feature appearances by the Gothsicles,
the great Luke Ski, and a special surprise guest!
$9.99
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WORM QUARTET – SUMOPHOBIA ALPHA 2 EX SUPER
CHAMPIONSHIP TURBO EDITION CD
The
remixed, revamped, remastered re-release of Worm
Quartet's long-out-of-print first album, which brought the world such
classics as "I Bit William Shatner,"
"I Don't Give A Sh*t About Your Website,"
and "Hair On The Soap!” Chock-full of bonus tracks
including the original 1996 demo (remastered,)
rarities, previously-unreleased tracks, and collaborations with The Great
Luke Ski and Sudden Death! Well over an hour's worth of music! Includes
"Inner Voice," the most requested song of 2005 on the Dr. Demento show!
$9.99
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WORM QUARTET STALKER PACK
All
four of Worm Quartet’s albums, plus a logo sticker, for a penny less
than the cost of a thing that costs $30.00! A dirt-cheap way to build
an immediate Worm Quartet collection and pretend you were a fan from the
beginning. Great as a gift if you want to force Worm Quartet in its
entirety down the unsuspecting throats of your hoodlum friends!
$29.99
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TECHNOBABBLE CD
A
compilation CD of funny songs that celebrate and bitch about technology in
all its forms. Includes a track from Worm Quartet, as well as songs from the
great Luke Ski, Sudden Death, Da Vinci's Notebook,
Logan Whitehurst and the Junior Science Club, Tom Smith, and The Arrogant
Worms, among others.
$9.99
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COFFEE INC. – BENEFITS OF SOCIETY CD
Coffee
Inc. is a band formed by former Worm Quartet guitarist Coffee Roche. Their first album, Benefits of
Society, is raw and underproduced, but runs the
gambit from hardcore punk to ballads and showcases Coffee’s amazing storytelling
and songwriting. Features appearances
by Shoebox of Worm Quartet on keyboards and backing vocals.
$4.99
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** NEW ** BALDBOX –
THE DUMB ALBUM CD
A side
project featuring Shoebox of Worm Quartet and Rob Balder! This album was conceived, written, and
recorded over the course of a single weekend for no defensible reason. Features appearances by Devo Spice, TV’s Kyle, and Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad. 22 tracks, including “This
Could Be The Day,” “US F’n A,”
“Commander Kafka: Space Roach,” and two exclusive and severely unpleasant
mixes of Rob Balder’s “Rich Fantasy
Lives”
$9.99
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Worm Quartet CDs are also available from The FuMP, Interpunk and CD Baby
Digital downloads available
from The
Mad Music Archive, CD Baby,
iTunes, and
Amazon
DVD’s
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WORM QUARTET - FLEX YOUR NIPPLES - LIVE
Nearly an hour and a half of live concert footage featuring Shoebox at his
sweatiest, prancing across stages throughout Central New York. Feaures
guest performances by the great Luke Ski, Sudden Death, and Crappy the Clown.
Includes several dumbass bonus features and an
exclusive "Shoebox rambling Incoherently About Shoebox" commentary
track with Shoebox and director/stuff-filmin'-guy Seriah Azkath.
$9.99
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STICKERS AND BUTTONS AND SHIRTS AND CRAP:
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OFFICIAL WORM QUARTET NIPPLE-COVERING APPARATUS
T-SHIRT
Tired
of your friends, family, and co-workers being able to see your nipples? Cover
them in style with this official Worm Quartet nipple-covering apparatus! High
quality silk-screened shirts, available from Large to 3XL!
$10.99
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**NEW** WORM QUARTET LOGO T-SHIRT
Show
all your friends what crappy taste in music you have! These are really freakin' nice blue t-shirts with the WQ logo in white.
High quality silk-screened shirts, available from Medium to 3XL!
$14.99
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**NEW** THE FuMP
- “JUST LIKE REAL MUSIC” T-SHIRT
Features
the FuMP logo and the phrase “Just Like Real
Music – Only Funny!” on a charcoal-colored shirt. High quality silk-screened shirts, available
from Medium to 3XL!
$14.99
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**NEW** DORK T-SHIRT
Truth
in advertising at its finest! No
Worm Quartet logo to be found on this, in fact this has nothing to do with
Worm Quartet beyond the fact that if you’re a fan, you very likely fall
into this category. High quality silk-screened shirts, available
from Medium to 3XL!
$14.99
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WORM QUARTET LOGO STICKERS (Set of 3)
Three
high-quality vinyl stickers. These are 2.75" x 2.75",
scientifically determined to be the perfect size for sticking to stuff! Stick
them on your car, your locker, your wall, your cat, your mother, your
spiritual advisor, or your favorite dumpster!
$1.00
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WORM QUARTET LOGO BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring the glorious WQ SVGM logo. Logo design and
art by Kim Crist.
$1.00
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SHOEBOX WITH SPATULA BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring a cartoon of Shoebox ready for action, brandishing
his mighty spatula! Art by Dave Woodson.
$1.00
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WORM QUARTET OLDSCHOOL SYMBOL BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring the original punk-ass WQ symbol. Art by
Shoebox.
$1.00
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WORM QUARTET MULLETMAN BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring Mulletman from the cover
of “Faster Than A Speeding Mullet!” Art by Dave Woodson.
$1.00
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WORM QUARTET OLDSCHOOL LOGO BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring the original logo from back when Shoebox genuinely
thought Worm Quartet was gonna be a punk
band. Art by Shoebox.
$1.00
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FLAMING MAYO LOGO BUTTON
High-quality
1” button featuring the official Flaming Mayo logo. If the other
buttons on this page aren’t obscure enough to confuse your friends,
this should do it. Art by Dave Woodson.
$1.00
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WORM QUARTET BUTTON SET
Who are
you kidding? You can’t live without all six high-quality 1”
Worm Quartet buttons!
$4.99
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SHIPPING AND CHECK/CASH/MONEY ORDER ORDERING INFO:
Prices are in U.S. dollars. Use the "shopping
cart" if you want to order by credit card via PayPal
within the U.S.. If you want to order by cash or money order, the
shipping info is at the bottom of the page.
If you're outside the US, please e-mail me for shipping info
Pay attention, because this is stupid. Shipping within the U.S. is based on the total amount of your purchase, as
follows:
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TOTAL
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SHIPPING
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$1.00-$19.99
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$3.00
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$20.00-$1,386.42
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$4.95
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$1,386.43+
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I LOVE YOU!
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To order by mail, send U.S. cash, check, or money order (payable to "Tim Crist") to:
Worm Quartet
P.O. Box 23433
Rochester, NY 14692
If you're in the U.S., you should get your crap within a week or two.
DEALERS / DISTRIBUTORS: E-mail shoebox@wormquartet.com
for wholesale rates!
-=ShoEboX=-
© 1997-2008 Timothy F. Crist